Naruto the Hanyou
by The Log Rabbi
Summary: What if Naruto awakens the Kyuubi at a young age, and in doing so, gets turned into a half demon? will he get banished? executed? or will he use his power to save konoha? read to find out! NO YAOI. pairings undecided. sakura/sasuke bashing
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Hey! This is my first fanfic! Criticize me in whatever ways you want, as long as it doesn't insult me or the plot of my story.

"Normalish talking"

"_Normalish thinking"_

"**Demonic talking"**

"_**Demonic thinking"**_

Normal narration

_me! the author explaining something_

_**the betaer, if he has anything to explain**_

(A/N: me saying something irrelevant)

(B/N: betaer saying something irrelevant)

Enjoy!

disclaimer: I don't own naruto. (author starts crying)

* * *

[Three hours before sunset, October 10th , 5 years after the Kyuubi attack]

"Time to die, Demon Brat!"

"Go back to Hell!"

"Time to pay for what you've done to us!" were the collective shouts of the villagers as they were beating the so-called 'Demon Brat of Konoha' within an inch of his life.

_

* * *

This is a good time for me, the author, and god of this realm that we call a FanFiction, to describe the life of Naruto Uzumaki Namikaze, the 'Demon Brat'. _

_ On October 10th, five years ago, a being known as the Kyuubi attacked Konohagakure no Sato (the Village Hidden in the Leaves) for reasons unknown. This is also the day that Naruto Uzumaki Namikaze was born to Minato Namikaze, the Yondaime Hokage, one of the best seal masters in the Elemental Nations, and his wife Kushina Uzumaki, Konoha's Red Death and the last of the Uzumaki clan._

_ Kushina, sadly, died in childbirth, and Minato used the Shiki Fuin to summon the shinigami, at the price of his own soul, in order to seal the Kyuubi into his own son. Naruto, who was only a few hours old, was sent to the orphanage. Hiruzen Sarutobi, was forced back into office.  
_

_ Naruto was beaten by the villagers even before he could walk, because they thought that he was the Kyuubi incarnate. He was denied a home, decent clothes(this is why he wears the 'kill me' orange), and edible food. He was forced to live on scraps since age four. He has been abused in some way, shape, or form since the day that word got out that he was the jinchuriki of the Kyuubi. The wors of which were on the anniversary of the attack, his birthday, which leads us to now._

_(A/N: I will interrupt the story like this as a narrator-like person to explain things for people who haven't read the cannon. If I get any names or events wrong, please tell me. Now, back to the story!)_

* * *

There was a pulse, and Naruto was suddenly shrouded in red chakra. It warped and twisted, eventually taking the shape of a fox with a single tail.

_

* * *

Chakra is a mixture of physical and spiritual energy that is manipulated into the five main elements: fire, water, earth, lightning, and wind. There are sub-elements which are created by mixing two elements together, or three if a person is extremely talented. Some sub-elements are wood (water+earth), metal (earth+fire), something I call inferno(fire+wind), and ice (wind+water)._

* * *

The last thing Naruto heard before he scummed to the bliss of unconsciousness was a villager screaming "the Demon has escaped! Kill it!"

* * *

[Unknown location, unknown time]

Naruto awoke in what seemed to be a sewer, with water (he hoped it was water) up to his mid-shin. He could hear a voice calling out to him, and felt the irresistible urge to walk down a specific tunnel.

When he found the source of the voice and the urge stopped, he saw a huge, bronze barred cage held shut by a piece of paper with the kanji for 'seal' on it.

**"What are you doing here, kit"** he heard a voice ask, which was demonic sounding, but sounded almost apathetic

_"Kit? why is this thing calling me a kit? Only foxes call children kits." _he thought while walking closer to the cage. "who are you and where the hell am I?" asked Naruto.

**"Kit, this is your mindscape. And as for who I am... I think you know."** the figure stepped out from the shadows and Naruto saw a giant fox with nine tails.

"The Kyuubi? Why are you in my mind?" Naruto asked.

**"Kit, I am here because the fourth Hokage sealed me into you. I have seen how much pain you go through because of me, and if it helps any, I'm sorry. What those villagers put you through is something no one should EVER have to go through, and you managed to stay sane and not go genocidal. that requires more maturity than most adults have."** said the King/Queen of the Demons (A/N: its gender will be decided on later. Hell, I think I might take a poll on it.), still seeming like he/she didn't care. This, somewhat surprisingly, made Naruto feel better if only because of the thought that there is someone who doesn't hate him besides the old man and the ramen chefs.

"Thank you. Is there something I can call you besides Kyuubi?"

**"There is, but I haven't known you long enough to know I can trust you with it, so until further notice, just call me Kyuubi" **

_"That didn't help me at all, and it didn't even answer my question"_

**"Kit, you know I can hear your thoughts right? We have a link because of the seal, so if you don't want me to hear something do it without broadcasting it through the seal." **after it finished saying that, Kyuubi burst into laughter at seeing Naruto's face. When it finished , it said, while still chuckling, **"Kit, its time for you to wake up now. When you wake up, go see the Hokage and tell him everything that happened. Hell, he might even have a story for you."**

Naruto felt a sharp tug in his chest, and the sight of his mindscape faded to black.

* * *

A/N:Ha! I finished the first chapter of my first fanfic! Review! Tell me what I did right and what I did wrong! I accept all forms of constructive criticism. this includes telling me I spelled a word wrong. If I do, tell me, and I'll change it (not that you will, my betaer is a human dictionary[yes, I know my betaer in real life]).

I have two polls up. One for Kyuubi being male or female and one for the pairing.

If you haven't noticed, I'm just a bit insane. like, Ghost Ookagiri (sp?) from "Yet Again With a Little Extra Help" by Third Fang (Third Fang is amazing. I will refer to his fic many times in mine. Each will be completely pointless and will have nothing to do with the plot) I suggest reading it.

Bye! Have fun not getting hit by exploding cows (author starts giggling insanely)

Hail the Log!

B/N:...goddamn it...where the hell is the duct tape when you need it?


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I got my first review! it only took a week, but still, I got my first review! (those of you who actually wrote something on this site understand. think about what your first review said, and how it made you feel.) Still, everyone, review! My plot can always improve.

B/N:Grammar and spelling can too... I'm not gonna catch everything

A/N:It would also be nice if you voted in the polls. I have an idea for each option, so I don't know which to choose. I am asking the general populous of fanfiction, the readers. (if you don't vote, I will send Crypt after you as the demonic chicken of DOOM!)

* * *

[Somewhere in the alternate dimension that Third Fang rules over]

"Chicken?"

"Oh fuck! Someone just said the 'c' word! Everyone, battle formation 37-G-4!"

"Minion number Q! Get the grappling hook, the umbrella, and the toothpaste! I'll get the orange soda and the pickle!"

"What?"

* * *

Oh well, onto the story!

"Normalish talking"

"_Normalish thinking"_

"**Demonic talking"**

"_**Demonic thinking"**_

Normal narration

_Me! (The author if I have something to explain)_

_**The betaer, if he has anything to explain**_

(A/N: me saying something irrelevant)

(B/N: betaer saying something irrelevant)

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, due to the copyright laws of America.

B/N: which are bullshit. It's so not fair...

* * *

[unknown location]

He woke up and saw...white? _"Hmmmm...white room...cold as fuck...yup. I'm in the hospital..."_

"Good to see you're awake, Naruto-san." Said a voice that he didn't recognize. He looked around and saw an ANBU with a dog mask standing in the corner.

"Inu-san? How long have I been out?" Naruto asked the dog-masked figure, who twitched and held an orange book up to his face.

"About four hours, I think. I found you in an alley with bodies all around you, all charred by chakra."

Naruto remained silent for a few minutes. "what happened? Did I kill them?" he eventually asked.

"I'm not sure. You might have, which would explain why you also had chakra burns covering your entire body. Hell, I'm surprised you healed this quickly. They should have been fatal."

"Yeah, I always heal really fast."

Several minutes of awkward silence later...

"Inu-san, how do I get to my mindscape?"

"How do you know that your mindscape even exists? Hell, how do you even have a mindscape? getting to them, and even having them is something unique to the Yamanakas"

"I went there, I don't know how, and it looked like a sewer."

Several more minutes of akward silence later, "Inu-san, when I leave, can you take me to the Hokage?"

"Uh, sure, what do you want to talk to him about?"

"I don't feel comfortable telling anyone except the Old Man." Naruto shifted then noticed something furry rubbing against his back. He gets out of bed and turns around and sees an orange fox tail with red tips swaying lazily behind him. He runs over to a mirror and sees that he's at least a few inches taller and his blond hair is now a medium orange with dark red tips. He also sees two fox ears the same color as his hair and tail on top of his head and no ears where a normal(ish) human would have them. "Whoa! I have a tail! and fox ears! That's really cool!" He also noticed that it was easier for him to move around, but dismissed it as his natural hyperness. his mind also seemed less clouded, which let him think this, instead if just _"RAMEN!"_

Inu (though Naruto couldn't tell) was staring at Naruto with a mixture of shock and pity he will have fangirls [in the dimension mentioned earlier, Naruto is being chased by Hinata and Shadow, who scared away (A/N: I mean maimed) the rest of his fangirls], and people will just attack him more because they now have more "evidence" that Naruto is being controlled by Kyuubi. As soon as Naruto finished talking to the Hokage, he would ask for permission to shadow the poor boy until Naruto is able to protect himself.

* * *

[Several hours spent in boredom and many, many pointy needles later]

"Ha! I'm finally free!" Naruto yelled as he ran to the Hokage followed in the shadows, waiting for him to get attacked so he could arrest them. His tail was wrapped around his waist under a cloak, and the hood of said cloak covered his ears. Inu also gave him a mask similar to the one Kakashi wears, and promised to take Naruto shopping for real clothes after he finished.

On the way there, Naruto simply ignored all of the hateful stares and harsh words that were thrown at him, along with some fist-sized rocks. This is when Inu intervened. He hit pressure points on all of the people who threw anything at him, and told them "You have broken Konoha law, section 754, paragraph 47, sentence 3. you are to be taken to Morino Ibiki for 24 hours and then executed." He then called some other ANBU that he knew he could trust and told them what happened. You could see the rage in their eyes through the eyeholes in their masks. They shunshined the criminals away and Naruto and Inu continued to the Hokage tower.

* * *

[At the Hokage tower]

"GET OUT OF HERE YOU STUPID DEMON!" yelled the secretary when she saw Naruto walk around the corner, but she blanched when Inu walked in right behind him.

"Why would Naruto-san leave? He has an appointment with the Hokage." said Inu while focusing some KI on the secretary.

"I-I'm sorry, I-Inu-san, I-I d-didn't see you t-there." She managed to stutter out.

"I'll let it slide this time, just don't. do it. again. got it?"

"Y-yes, I-Inu-san"

"Good. C'mon, Naruto-san, its time to talk to the Hokage."

"Okay"

* * *

[Inside the Hokage's office]

"Well, hello Naruto-kun. What brings you here?" Asked Sarutobi when Naruto walked in with the dog-masked ANBU in tow.

"I have a story to tell you Jiji!" shouted Naruto in a normal happy voice, and after a few seconds, he added, in a normal tone, "...could you put up the privacy seals? I don't want anyone to hear this."

"Ummm... alright" Sarutobi did some handseals and the room glowed a faint blueish purple, before fading out. He then made a motion for the ANBU to leave the room. "Okay, Naruto, no one else can hear you."

Naruto told the old Hokage exactly what happened last night, including the apathetic tone of Kyuubi's voice.

**"Kit, could you let me out to explain exactly what happened?"** a voice that seemed to come from inside his head asked. **" And you don't have to talk out loud. Just think what you want to say."**

_"Ummm...how do I do that?" _

**"Just imagine me outside of the cage with a collar on to represent the seal. once I'm out of the cage, i can come out and talk to your Hokage." **said Kyuubi.

_"Okay..." _he said to no one in particular. He then imagined an average fox inside his mindscape outside of the cage with a collar with the kanji for 'seal' on it.

There was a poof of white smoke, similar to the smoke conjured to cover the creation of a Kage Bunshin, and both chakra users started to freak out. (A/N: I forgot to say, Inu is still in the room. Naruto seems to trust him.)

* * *

A/N: And done. That was interesting...

Guys! I can't write the next chapter unless you vote for if you want Kyuubi to be male or female.

Anyway, I had a minor writer's block halfway through the chapter, sorry it took so long. i also blame my beta. I had this chp. done on Friday.

B/N: That and I was a lazy ass who didn't get around to fixing this.

Read, Review, Hail the Log and avoid the exploding cows!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Poll was closed on 2/17 when I started writing. Now go vote on the pairing you want. If harem wins, I'll make another poll to decide who is in it. if there's someone you want with Naruto, PM me and I'll ad them. two conditions, no yaoi, and no Sakura. It's in the summary. Sakura bashing.

(B/N: Yes! Make the pink haired banshee suffah!)

Next, I got reviews! It's similar to giving a five year old a cookie. They enjoy it for a little while, then they want more.

(B/N: It's also similar in that both the author and the five-year-old will cry if no more cookies are forthcoming

"Normalish talking"

"_Normalish thinking"_

"**Demonic talking"**

"_**Demonic thinking"**_

_Me! The author if I have something to explain_

_**The betaer, if he has anything to explain**_

(A/N: Me saying something irrelevant)

(B/N: Betaer saying something irrelevant)

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. If i did, the manga would be exactly the same as this fic.

* * *

[Hokage's office]

_There was a poof of white smoke, similar to the smoke conjured to cover the creation of a Kage Bunshin, and both chakra users started to freak out._

...

When the smoke finally cleared, there was a small orange-red fox with a collar bearing the kanji for seal on the front. The little fox growled in annoyance, then there was another poof of smoke and out came a woman about 6' 5", with hair the same color as the small fox's fur, golden brown eyes, two whisker marks on each cheek, and dressed in red skintight leather, which left nothing to the imagination and the two perverts, now twitching on the floor, suffering from blood loss.

When the two older men woke up, Kyuubi explained what happened outside the mindscape when Naruto was talking to her for the first time.

[flashback]

_There was a pulse, and Naruto was suddenly shrouded in red chakra. It warped and twisted, eventually taking the shape of a fox with a single tail. The chakra-enshrouded Naruto roared, not unlike an animal, and flared his chakra. It pushed out and wrapped around the attacking villagers, searing their skin and burning screams of agony could be heard from every direction._

[flashback end]

"Now, as for why he has fox ears and a tail... Well your body mutated when it was flooded with my chakra, and you became a hanyou. (A/N; half demon for those of you that don't know any Japanese) Congratulations. You will receive training from me for your demon arts, demon magic (A/N: I love Bleach. I just had to add it.), swordsmanship, hand-to-hand combat, sealing, history, and we'll work on increasing your strength, speed, and intelligence. I will teach you to use your spiritual energy, which is what the demon arts and the demon magic rely on. I can also teach you to use your physical energy to strengthen your attacks. I will teach you the kitsune sword and hand-to-hand styles, called Rusubeta and Kyuudangeki, respectively. You will have to learn to use normal chakra by yourself, since I don't have any, which is why you." she pointed towards the Hokage "Will enroll him in the academy when he is of age. He will not show his true potential until he is assigned to a team, so he will not graduate early. He will leave the village to train with me until he is able to enroll in the academy. Any objections?"

The two men stared at her in confusion for a few seconds, then, after she hit the Hokage's desk rather loudly, they came out of their stupor enough for the Hokage to approve their travel rights.

* * *

[Later, at the ANBU clothing/supply store]

"I will need a tsurugi, 400 kunai, 600 shiruken, 1000 sealing scrolls, 3000 pieces of sealing paper, 800 bottles of sealing ink, 40 brushes,10 black skin tight shirts, 10 blue skin tight shirts, 10 pair of black cargo pants, 10 pair of blue cargo pants, 40 pair of black socks, 40 pair of blue socks, 40 pair of shinobi sandals, all of varying sizes, 50 rolls of black shinobi wraps, 50 rolls of blue shinobi wraps, 5 black flak jackets, 5 blue flak jackets, varying sizes, 10 black trench coats, 10 blue trench coats, varying sizes, 15 pair of black fingerless gloves, 10 pair of blue fingerless gloves, and a black ANBU mask." The clerk could only stare at the dog-masked ANBU that was ordering all of this. He had to write it all down to remember it.

"I am sorry, Inu-san, but I do not have all of the things that you want. I will order them, and it should all arrive in four days." the clerk told him

"Thank you, I will be back then."

* * *

[Four days later, Naruto's apartment]

"Thanks for getting these for me, Inu-san. I will leave with Kyuu-chan tomorrow at dawn." Said a somewhat sad, yet also somewhat happy Naruto. He was getting training from the most powerful demon/woman in the world, but he had to leave his home to do so. The people here may have gone a bit overboard with their cruel and unusual punishments, but he knew it was because of their ignorance.

* * *

[The next day, dawn, gate of Konoha]

"Bye, Jiji, Inu-san, even though you two were the only people who were ever nice to me (B/N: he has yet to discover the goodness that is ramen), I still love this village. Goodbye. I'll see you in three years." (A/N: if he graduates when he's 12, he will start his 4th year at 11, 3rd at 10, 2nd at 9,and 1st at 8, now do the rest by yourself.) said the blonde with more emotions than a five-year-old should be able to have.

"Goodbye, Naruto-kun, when I see you again, I expect to see a powerful ninja." the old Hokage told the young blonde. Inu simply nodded.

"Of course you will." after the blonde said this, he and the fiery redhead turned and left through the gate.

* * *

A/N: Done. I wrote this chapter in a day. It may be short, but it was essential for character/plot development. The next chapter will pick up at his first day at the academy, and his training trip will be explained through flashbacks.

I will continue writing short chapters extremely fast, and the only thing that might slow me down is how fast my beta can beta. He cant do anything on weekends, and he can only do one a day at most, so I will update as often as I can, but no more than one a day.

When I wrote the part where they first saw kyuubi, I imagined someone that looks kinda like a chibi Kushina holding up the peace sign. I laughed.

Go vote for the pairing. PM me if there's someone you want on there that isn't.

My OCs will be introduced in the next few chapters. (All of them are based off of real people. I'll write bios for the when i get around to it.)

Read, Review, Hail the Log, and DON'T say the 'c' word.

(B/N: Goddamn it! Get this freakin bird offa me! Ow! Shit! My eyes! My eyes!)

A/N: Go find Ghost and his family! They are the only ones that can help you!

If you want new eyes, go find an Uchiha and jack his. Then you'll have badass eyes.

(B/N: I fixed this thing sick, and from my iPod. I hate my life...)


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: This chapter will be interesting... first fight scene!

Go vote for the pairings!

And review!

"Normalish talking"

"_Normalish thinking"_

"**Demonic talking"**

"_**Demonic thinking"**_

_Me! The author if I have something to explain_

_**The betaer, if he has anything to explain**_

(A/N: Me saying something irrelevant)

(B/N: Betaer saying something irrelevant)

Enjoy!

* * *

[Konoha gates, 3 years after last chapter]

"I'm back!" Yelled everyone's favorite blonde idiot, who was currently running up to the gates of Konoha.

"State your business" commanded one of the chunin who seem to constantly be on guard duty: Izumo

"Naruto Uzumaki, returning from a three year training trip." grinned Naruto as he pulled out his travel pase.

Kotetsu looked at it. "Welcome back to Konoha, Uzumaki-san."

All Naruto said was "Weren't you two on guard duty when I left?" They facevaulted.

* * *

[First day of the Academy]

Inside classroom 1-A, Sasuke Uchiha sat in a corner, Ino Yamanaka and Sakura Haruno fought over who would sit next to him, Shikamaru Nara was asleep (still) Chouji Amakichi mimicked his best friend and sleep-ate, Kiba Inuzuka boasted loudly about how amazing he was, Shino Aburame talked to his bugs, and Hinata Hyuuga sat at a desk and just blushed. This is what Naruto saw when he walked in the room. he was dressed in his orange jumpsuit. four seconds after he walked in, he started yelling about how he was going to be Hokage.

Not twelve seconds after that, Iruka Umino walked into the room and, after shutting everyone up using his big-head jutsu, started telling them all of the rules of the academy. These were so boring that the author, and beta, were incapable of thinking any up.

* * *

The next day, Iruka started teaching them how to unlock their chakra, and because that was the only thing Naruto was here for, so he actually paid attention. Though he still yelled about how he was going to be Hokage.

* * *

[Timeskip: mid-late 2nd year: alternate dimension]

"Okay, here are the rules: I transport my team to a building in an alternate dimension. I transport your team to a different place in the same dimension in the same city as I transport us to. You try to find us. If we leave the building, we lose. If you can't find us and hit all of us in 4 hours, we win. If you find us and hit all of us, you win. If you use your space/time/dimensional abilities after the initial transport, you lose. You can recruit people if you can convince them... Alright... Everyone ready? Okay...1...2...3...NOW!"

* * *

[Back in Naruto's dimension: same time]

A group of three teenagers appeared in a flash of green light, all of varying ages. The one standing in the middle, the tallest of the two boys, jumped off the desk he was standing on and made two 'pump fist' motions with his hands. The second boy, a blond with brown eyes who had his hair in a pony tail nodded and pulled out a box filled with varying colors of chalk.

The girl, with brown hair, brown eyes and an athletic body, slung a rather odd looking contraption off of her shoulder. It was a two foot long tube with colored spheres in one and the other was made up of a strange black metal.

Iruka an the rest of the class stared in shock as the three moved swiftly out of the door and down the hallway, where the blond was drawing a complex pattern on the floor, the girl standing over him with the strange weapon.

"Zen, got anything?" A radio crackled with static as the teen, Zen, made a negative sounding grunt.

Iruka reacted swiftly, reaching for his kunai pouch only to be shot three times by Zen, who had come back in the room briefly to look out the window.

"Azure, how's the array coming along?"

"Slowly! The wood is making it difficult to draw with precision."

"Lika, anything on your end?" A scream was the response, and Zen turned and dashed down the hall, while being stared at by the remainder of the class, minus Naruto, who had gotten up and chased the strange looking boy.

They both arrived to see Lika staggering toward a door while fire burned from the room she had left. A strange red liquid dripped from her body on to the floor, and she swore before collapsing on the ground.

Zen paused, then twisted and started firing the strange tube like gun down the hall way he had come from. "Kid! Get Lika's gun, then go help Azure-"

An explosion rocked the building and the shock wave tore down the hall, shattering windows as it went. Screams followed in its wake and Azure leapt into the room, twisting his body and shooting a girl with brown hair twisted into a braid in the forehead, spattering the ground in pink liquid.

"They broke thro-" a mass of shadows rips through his body, splattering the wall in blood and pinning his twitching body to the wall.

"Shit!" the word had barely left his mouth before another mass of shadow ripped through his left arm and leg, throwing him to the ground.

Two people clapping could be heard, even as the ANBU and the Hokage himself marched onto the scene and started arresting people and hauling the wounded off to the hospital.

* * *

[Later, about 10 PM, after they healed, in the Hokage's office]

Sarutobi sighed "So you eight are from a different dimension and you came here to play a game you call extreme paintball? And you did massive destruction to the academy in doing so, so one, or more of you will do community service at the academy until you can pay it off... Why am I not sending you to Ibiki? ...oh... do any of you have teaching experience?"

Seven of them pointed to the one called Azure. "You know what? Screw you... And it's not necessarily smart to piss off the guy who can make your bed both eat you and rape you...at the same time... And because you smudged my capture array as i was activating it, I'm stuck teaching a bunch of children!" shouted the Ed-esqu boy.

Zen laughed. "Yeah, and you deserve it... along with this. Demon Chicken of Doom! (TM)" As soon as Zen said that, a black chicken with red eyes and red streaks on its feathers appeared out of nowhere and started mauling Azure.

"FUCK! WHY DOES IT ALWAYS ATTACK MEEE!" he paused briefly, and began spazming violently "GODDAMMIT! MY EYES! MY EYES! I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL GET MY REVENGE!" screamed short one being mauled...bu a chicken.

"Like I said, you deserve it, and I still haven't gotten you back for that one time..." Zen began to twitch as his mind was assaulted by that memory.

As this was happening, the Hokage, not pausing in the slightest, signed an order for the boy being mauled and a chunun, one Yuhi Kurenai, to be assigned as instructors for the academy for an unspecified amount of time. One to teach at the academy and the other to watch him.

"Darren, think you might need to heal him this time..." Zen muttered, wincing at the bloodied Azure, who was twitching on the ground.

Darren, the tallest of the rag-tag group and sporting a rather tall mass of brown hair, sighed. "His eyes are completely destroyed...again...He'll need another pair of new eyes after this... God... you guys blow through 'em like candy..."

At that moment, two random chunin burst into the Hokage's office. Random chunun #1 said "Hokage-sama! The Uchihas have been murdered!"

"Well, looks like we found him a new set of eyes..." said a chuckling Zen.

Azure wore a noncommittal grin

* * *

(random convo between me and the beta, when asked to write the paintball scene)

Me: nice... now go write the fight scene to go with it and email it to me.

B: k... i need you to right the part leading up to it first though.

Me: i have me explaining the rules to everyone then saying 3...2...1...now, then i transport my team to the academy and the other team somewhere else.

got what i have so far?

B: yea.

Me: k. pick up there.

B: k...

holy shit...you sent it...i thought you ment in IM format...

Me: ...why the fuck would i send a few hundred words through IM?

B: idono...

stfu...

Me: no, i dont think i will...

oh, Demon Chicken of Doom

B: FUCK! WHY DOES IT ALWAYS ATTACK MEEE! GODAMNIT! MY EYES! MY EYES!

Me: cuz u deserve it...

B: FUCK YOU! GET IT OFFA MEEEEE!

Me: go dimension hop and get an uchihas eyes... theyre more badass

* * *

A/N: Done! Blame my beta for it taking so long.

I put up a random conversation between me and the beta. I know it will cause some of you to laugh.

If there are no votes for 24 hours, I will post the results at the beginning of the next chp, and create the new poll, if necessary.

Review! I am dependent on your criticisms!

Read, Review, Hail the Log, and don't get hit by that- Hey look! A distraction!

B/N:Meh. I'll admit it: this chp isn't our best work, and we both know it. We need you, the reviewer, to help us fix what we fucked up. And if you think you can write a scene better than we did, do so and send it to us via a review. We may not do anything with it, but it gives us an idea of what to fix.

And no, we will not mock you if it's crap and worse than what we put there. Merely telling us something could be better does help...but we can only go over something so many times, or recognize that we have a mistake that we don't know how to fix. So help. Review. We are not writing gods...we do make mistakes...so tell us. In a constructive, polite way.

Thanks.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Character/plot development, and some explanations. Not as interesting as fights, but still important. Go read the bios on my profile. They explain their skills and background. I'll write more when I finish this chapter.

Review! Reviews are the cookies for writers!

Poll is closed.

Harem-7

Hinata-2

Kyuubi-2

New poll it is.

"Normalish talking"

"_Normalish thinking"_

"**Demonic talking"**

"_**Demonic thinking"**_

_Me! The author if I have something to explain_

_**The betaer, if he has anything to explain**_

(A/N: Me saying something irrelevant)

(B/N: Betaer saying something irrelevant)

Enjoy!

* * *

[A few hours and one eye transplant later]

Azure stared at himself in a mirror, eyebrow twitching uncontrollably. He saw two red eyes, each with three black comma-like shapes swirling around the pupil lazily. "Zen, I'm debating if I should kill you. You sent the DCD after me and it killed my eyes...again... but then you convinced the Hokage to let Darren transplant something equivalent to...I don't know what. A fucking insta-kill maybe And I will get you back for that..."

"Yeah, then I'll send it after you again to get you back for whatever you're planning on doing." Said a chucking Zen. "And sending it after me won't work. It will only attack you."

"Alright, alright... Now how the fuck do I turn these things off? I don't want them constantly draining my energy." Muttered a much irritated Azure

The ANBU with the dog mask spoke up. "Stop channeling chakra to your eyes and they should turn off."

"What the fuck is chakra?" Yelled a now more irritated Azure.

"Looks like there's another reason for you to teach at the academy. You can ask the regular teacher to help you unlock your chakra. Chakra is the mix of physical and spiritual energies right?" said Zen, in one of his rare moments of seriousness.

"Yeah, can you use chakra?" asked Inu.

"Yeah, but I feel like it's not as efficient as it could be sometimes. I can reinforce my body with it, and I can expel it, but I can't do anything with it after it leaves my body." said Zen, still in his serious mindset.

"Are you using handseals?"

"What the fuck are handseals?"

"Handsels help to mold the chakra before it leaves the body. Without handseals, it is more difficult to manipulate chakra."

"Thanks. Could you escort me to the library to get a book on handseals?" asked Zen.

"Okay, but why do you need me?" asked Inu.

"One, I have no fucking clue where the library is, two, you are going to make sure I don't do anything stupid while I'm there, and three, you can help me learn about it." said Zen.

"Uh... Okay, follow me." said Inu, and they left.

"I'm gonna go draw an alchemy circle to imprint this into my DNA so I can grow them back next time." Azure then left to find an empty room and some chalk.

* * *

[Timeskip: when Zen got back, after Azure got back]

"Hey guys! Look who I found!" Said Zen who was dragging Naruto behind him.

"It's the one kid who helped your team!" said an excited Angle "He can join us" at this point, his voice became dark and mechanical "on the dark side of the force"

"Angle! Stop being creepy! You'll scare away all of the fishies!" said Zen, who had pulled out a bucket and a fishing pole and started fishing. Not ten seconds later, he pulled out a fish that was twice as wide and three times as long as said bucket. Everyone who wasn't in the group of 8 stared at him in awe.

Lika hit both of their heads. "Both of you stop! You'll scare away the child!"

Zen, whose fishing pole and bucket had disappeared, told the others "I sense one of the nine in him. We should show him what we actually are."

Everyone agreed.

"You never told us your name, kid." said Zen

"I'm Naruto Uzumaki, and I'm gonna be Hokage!" shouted Naruto.

"...speaking of whom... we need to speak to him" Azure muttered while standing up. "Angle, Lika come on. We might as well settle this with the council while we can. I don't feel up to a discussion with the T&I department." Angle nodded, then waved his hand forming a distortion in the air. The three of them took a step into the portal, vanishing.

Zen asked all of the ANBU, except Inu, because he suspected that he was in on this too, to leave, stating that this was a private conversation. "Kid, you can drop the act and shift to your proper form." Naruto's head jerked up in shock.

Zen sighed, then was engulfed in a cloud of white smoke, and when it cleared, he had fox ears the same color as his hair, with black tips, and seven fox tails, which were black with silver tips. Naruto looked at Zen with more shock. "I'm a kitsune demon, almost like the one sealed in you."

Naruto was silent for a few moments, then he too was engulfed in a cloud of white smoke, and when it cleared, he had red streaks going through his hair, dark orange fox ears with blood red tips, and a single orange tail behind him with a red tip.

"Now, we have much to discuss, kid, so lets go find somewhere to talk."

* * *

[With Azure, Angle, and Lika in the council room]

The three dimension hoppers stepped out of the portal into the shadows of a corner in the council room, while they were in session. Angle projected his voice so it seemed like it was coming from every direction. "Council of Konoha, we have much to discuss."

The civilian council looked around the room frantically, trying to find the source of the voice. The shinobi council did not move at all, remaining impassive. "Who are you and why are you here?" asked a hysteric council member.

The three stepped out from the corner, surprising everyone. "We have come to discuss the terms of us remaining here."

"Why would we want you to stay here?" asked a random council member.

"...and why I still need to keep Ibiki from torturing you..." muttered the Hokage.

The blonde one smirked, clapped his hands together then smashed them on the ground, pulling a pole-arm out the the wood before turning sharply to his left and cuting of the girl's arm.

"Dammit, you know regrowing limbs hurts like hell!" shouted Lika.

"Yes, but it was necessary to prove to them what I could do. Now, show them your elemental manipulation."

She sighed, then was engulfed in flames before water rose out of the ground and splashed onto her, putting the fire out and showing that she was not burned. Next dirt rose up and started spinning around her before it dropped to the floor, and her body crackled with lightning. Finally, the air around her spun with the force of a hurricane. When it stopped, the council members stared at her in shock.

The third figure moved his hand, and a civilian council member shot up and hovered in the air. "This is the force." he pointed his hand toward the wall, and lightning shot out of his hands and into the wall.

The council quickly promised them a plot of land and enough money for them to build a house and buy food for three months, provided they submit to a chakra restriction seal and gaurds on their home.

The three thanked them, then vanished and waited for the council to leave in order to speak with the Hokage in peace.

[Back with Naruto and Zen after several minutes of wandering]

"Okay, first tell me what you know." said the elder kitsune

"In the past five years, I learned a few demon arts, a few dozen demon magics, up to hado 37 and bakudo 32, I've gotten close to mastering Rusubeta and Kyuudangeki, I'm a level 3 seal master, I now know how to manipulate chakra... but I only know the academy three, and I have too much chakra to perform a normal bunshin, I know the history of all of the elemental nations from the point where it started being recorded, my speed and strength are mid to upper-chunin level, and I learned most of this in my mindscape where time is slower. So my mental age is closer to 14." replied the younger

"That's fairly impressive. I think I might take you on as my apprentice, but I wont fight any battles for you, nor will the rest of my group. I know we'll get along like brothers, and pulling off elaborate pranks without getting caught is a hobby of mine.

You might want to be careful of the Uchiha brat, because he is now one of the only two known Uchihas left, and one is a traitor, so he might have a telephone pole up his ass by the time he's on a team.

I think I know what the teams will be. Ino, Shikamaru, and Choji as the new generation of the Ino-Shika-Cho trio, Shino, Kiba, and Hinata as a tracking team, and that leaves Sakura, Sasuke and you, since I know that you nine are the only ones that will pass, because only you nine are good enough to be ninja. I also think that Kakashi Hatake will be your Sensei, because he is the only Sharingan master left in the village, and the village wants their almighty Uchiha to learn from the best.

The only person with two active Sharingan in the village is currently the blonde idiot back there, but he hasn't used them yet, so he will probably ask Kakashi about it.

Until you pass, you will go straight home, meet with me, and we will find an unused training ground where I will help you create your own jutsus and your own Taijutsu and Kenjutsu styles, because the style you can use most efficiently is the one you created."

"Thank you, Zen-sensei" said the young blonde

"Don't bother with honorifics. I hate them. Call me Zen until you think of some strange nickname for me like everyone else."

"Uh...Okay, see you tomorrow I guess"

"...Could you show me where your house is? I just got here a few hours ago..." Naruto facevaulted.

* * *

[Several hours, a few thousand curses, and seven maps with notes scribbled on them later, when Zen found his friends]

Zen walked into the room chucking evilly. Azure had a mild muscle spasm _'Oh, God, he found another person to take on as an apprentice. Whoever it is, I just hope they survive...and don't trigger the death of another world...' _Angle sitting beside him heard the thought and nodded his head grimly.

* * *

A/N: Done. Naruto has another teacher, and he seems to like to tor- I mean train people

New poll is up. Go vote for as many as you want, any girl with more than five votes by chp 8 or so will be in, and if there's a girl you want in that isn't there, PM me and I'll put her in (excluding Sakura and Kurenai, since I have plans for her)

Read, Review, Don't get AIDS, Look at the distraction, and Don't get mauled by the DCD

B/N: ...I hate you so much right now...OW! FUCK! MY EYES! MY EYES! GET IT OFF OF MEEEEE!

A/N: I didn't say the 'c' word... it only responds to the 'c' word, not DCD...


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Naruto getting tor- I mean trained by Zen.

"Normalish talking"

"_Normalish thinking"_

"**Demonic talking"**

"_**Demonic thinking"**_

_Me! The author if I have something to explain_

_**The betaer, if he has anything to explain**_

(A/N: Me saying something irrelevant)

(B/N: Betaer saying something irrelevant)

Enjoy!

* * *

[The next day, after the academy, with Naruto and Zen]

"Okay, first thing, do you know how to make shadow clones?" Zen asked.

"You want me to learn clones? I have way too much chakra for that!" yelled Naruto.

"Yes, they're clones, but they are solid, and they use a piece of your soul, so the memories transfer back to you. This works with muscle memory and chakra control, but not for physical strength. They're also perfect scouts because you see everything they saw in their lifetime when they dispel."

"That sounds like an awesome way to train! When can we start?"

_"...He was just complaining about it a minute ago..." _"Okay, make this handseal and channel chakra." Zen showed him the cross shaped seal.

Poof

There were 273 clones standing in the clearing. _"He wasn't kidding when he said he had huge reserves..."_

"I want half of you to work on the leaf balancing exercise with multiple leaves, try to keep one on every tenketsu, including the ones on your tails, I want the other half of you to channel chakra to your feet and walk up a tree_._ In about an hour, dispel five at a time every ten minutes, the ones that did best first_._" Zen told them. He got a chorus of "Hai"s in response. "Original, come with me, I have special training for you." he said as he laughed like someone who belonged in an insane asylum, and Zen knew what it was like, because he had been there many, many times... his conversations with the wall were...entertaining...

When they found another clearing, Zen took out a bottle of ink. "Take off your shirt. I'm going to draw a resistance seal on you. Gravity seals only train certain muscles, because of the effect of gravity. Resistance seals work all of the muscles in your body by making it harder for you to move, like gravity is pushing you in every direction, not just down." He then drew an insanely complex seal on his back. "Now channel a little bit of chakra into it. You will have difficulty moving until you get used to it, and when you do, channel a little bit more chakra into it. To turn it off, pull the chakra out of it.

You will stretch, run five laps around the training field, do 50 sit-ups, 30 push-ups, 100 punches/kicks to a log with each limb, then we will spar." said Zen, who was laughing evilly again.

* * *

[Beginning of the spar]

Naruto and Zen were standing in a clearing, about ten feet apart, facing eachother. "Taijutsu only... GO!" Naruto ran at Zen and threw a right hook. Zen ducked under it and punched him in the stomach. Naruto fell to the ground. "Not as good as i expected, but still good... but I'm better. Again."

They recovered to their original positions. Naruto ran at Zen, this time jumping and coming down on Zen in an axe kick. Zen dodged to the right and hit him in the side,and fell on his back. Zen immediately jumped up and tried to knee him in the stomach. Naruto rolled to the side, popped up, and tried to punch Zen in the face, but Zen blocked, grabbed his wrist, pulled, kicked his feet out and twisted his arm behind him. "You did better that time, but you need to be able to think about your moves and any way they could be countered before executing them. Again."

This continued until Naruto could execute 20 moves in a row without getting countered, then they went to Kenjutsu, and they sparred until he can execute 20 moves without getting hit.

"Okay, time for stealth training. Go find a jounin with his headband over his eye and insane silver hair. Steal the orange book he is reading. Then avoid him for as long as you can."

* * *

[Later, in the streets of Konoha]

_"Where the fuck is that lazy bastard... I have to steal his book..." _thought Naruto as he ran around the streets of Konoha, looking for the cycloptic jounin.

He passed a book store and saw said jounin buying a new book. He stood next to the door, waiting for him to come out. When he did, Naruto stole his book, and ran like hell.

* * *

Kakashi was walking out of the bookstore after he bought the last available copy of the latest icha-icha novel, and a random kid with bright blonde hair stole it!

Wait...bright blonde hair?

Is that Naruto?

Why was he stealing his book?

All previous questions vanished after the last question. He sprinted after him screaming "Give me back my book dammit!"

* * *

[3 hours, 37 minutes, and 53 seconds later]

"Okay... Now that I have my book back... Why did you steal the precious, Naruto?" said a slightly winded Kakashi.

"Zen told me to as stealth training." replied Naruto, who wasn't winded at all.

"...I have more training for you. Dodging. Go grope Anko, the crazy snake lady, and run. Like hell. Most jounin can last about an hour. Use that as a gauge." said Kakashi, who was blushing at the thought of groping Anko.

"...That's insane... but it might actually work, so I'll do it. but, it's getting dark, and I have a feeling that i can survive for more than two hours, so I'll try tomorrow."

If only he knew...

* * *

[The next day, with Zen and Naruto]

"How long did you keep the book?" asked Zen

"3 hours, 37 minutes, and 53 seconds." replied Naruto.

"Good job. I assume Kakashi told you about Anko?"

"It sounds insane, but it might actually work..."

"Okay, today we will work on your balance. Balance is affected by what you see, the fluid in your inner ear, and your muscles. You need two to keep your balance. First we will cover your eyes, and have you spin around and then you will try to walk in a straight line. Next we will cover your eyes and put you on a balance ball, which is a large hemisphere that you stand on and you try to keep your balance with your muscles. Then we will spin you around and put you on the balance ball. This is how we will start. While in the academy, think of new ideas for jutsu when your teacher is talking about something you already know, come here, create a crapload of kage bunshin to train chakra control and your wind element, which is done by folding your chakra in half and sharpening it to cut through a leaf, then a rock, then a waterfall, then get creative, balance training for a half hour, stretching, laps, physical exercises, sparring with someone, usually me, grope Anko, dodge like hell, then go to sleep where you will and learn about chemistry, biology, mathematics, anatomy of all creatures, not just human, and you will work out your own styles, wake up, repeat."

That was exactly how the rest of his time in school went. He acted like an idiot who knew almost nothing, slept all class, and got exactly 60% on every assessment, which was the bare minimum to pass. In truth, he was smarter than Sakura, had an IQ/strategical mind almost as good as Shikamaru's, knew more ninjutsu than Sasuke, had better senses than Kiba (due to him being a half demon), and was stronger than Chouji.

He went to sleep thinking about how fun it would be to rub his strength in his teammates' faces the next day...

The day of the Genin exam...

* * *

A/N: Torturing people is fun. Especially my beta and Naruto.

Naruto being chased by Anko will appear multiple times in flashbacks and/or omakes.

Send me suggestions for the story. If its actually a good idea, I'll put it in and credit you (unless you want to remain anonymous).

Tell me what other girls you want on the poll. If the voting continues at this rate, they will all be in. remember, all but Sakura and Kurenai. the filler/ movie characters won't be there, since I haven't watched (nor do I plan to) the anime or the movies.

I got 10 reviews so far, and 4 were from the same person (thanks stormingnight).

Read, Review, Vote, Suggest Ideas, Hail the Holy Log, Do Random Shit That Won't Get You Thrown in Jail, and- Oh! Look! A Shiny! (B/N: Where?)


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Technology hates me. My laptop got a virus. I had to format the hard drive. I'm typing this on my grandparent's computer. I started writing the day I gave chp 6 to my beta, which was on February 28th. I finished this chp on March 3rd, and my beta took forever, then forced me to rewrite parts, then he didn't actually edit it, so I tried to do it myself... This is the result of that.

As of 3/15: he finally did it, so I posted the new version

Review!

There is one important scene in this chapter. The rest is pointless humor or something that I couldn't leave out, due to the pointless humor.

"Normalish talking"

"_Normalish thinking"_

"**Demonic talking"**

"_**Demonic thinking"**_

_Me! The author if I have something to explain_

_**The betaer, if he has anything to explain**_

(A/N: Me saying something irrelevant)

(B/N: Betaer saying something irrelevant)

Enjoy!

(I probably should have said this in like the third chapter, but Third Fang owns Yet Again With a Little Extra Help, and because of that, the DCD. If Third Fang is reading, sorry if I made you mad...)

* * *

[Empty plot of land in the clan compound district, day after the meeting with the council]

"...Where the fuck are we gonna get a house to put here?" asked Zen.

"We could always draw a massive alchemy array and build it all at once..." said Azure.

"We will still need a plan for what the house will look like... We could always use kage bunshin..." said Zen.

"Only you can use those...And not very well..."

"Yea... But I can also make more than everyone in this entire village, so building a house with a few thousand clones shouldn't take more than a week after the planning is done..."

"Key word: shouldn't. You'll somehow manage to fuck it up."

"..."

"...So how much space do we have to work with?"

"About a thousand square yards... I think"

"We'll need a training ground. And the main complex will have to have at least ten bedrooms and an equal number of bathrooms." Azure paused and tapped his chin. "We're also gonna need a large kitchen, a bigger living space, and a dining room. That, and maybe aa giant sound-proofed room for all of our musical instruments. What else?"

"A gaming room, an immense library, and a study for each of us."

"...That sounds about right. But what's it gonna look like?"

"..."

"..."

"...Could you just draw a rough sketch? How many floors, placement of windows and doors? That stuff. Cause' if you draw the rough sketch, I'll take care of the architecture and building. Lika, when I finish drawing the final copy, you do the interior design. Angle, go survey the exact dimensions of the land. Setsuna, you draw the plans for the landscape. Darren, Scotty, go get the musical instruments, the gaming equipment, and our electrical generator." There were nods all around. Zen tended to be the best of the group's large scale planners.

[The architectural plans for the entire house and landscape were finished within three hours. The army of kage bunshin completed the house five days after that.]

* * *

[Academy, when Azure was assigned there]

"Class, we are getting a new teacher today. He will be with us until he pays off the damages done to the academy...and the surrounding area. Azure! get in here!" Azure walked into the room, followed by a chunin with red eyes and raven black hair. "Class, the blonde one is Azure and the other one is Kurenai Yuhi, who will be watching him to make sure he doesn't do something stupid...I hope." The children mumbled amongst themselves.

"Hey! You're one of the odd people that randomly appeared here." yelled (guess who?) Naruto.

"Uh...Yeah... I am... And thanks for your help, even if you didn't do anything... I was the only one with experience, so they forced me into this..." mumbled Azure.

"What?"

"Teaching experience. I used to school potential alchemists until...never mind."

"Okay class, time for a lecture on the various forms of clones. The one you will be learning is the standard clone technique, and it creates an intangible copy of the user. It is easy to tell which is the real one because the clones can't interact with the environment. This technique requires a small amount of chakra, and you must make the ram, snake, and tiger hand signs, which look like this." he shows them the hand signs. "The elemental clones make copies of the user out of whatever element you choose. Each takes a different amount of chakra. The elemental clones are water, earth, mud, rock wood and in theory, you could make wind, lightning, ice, metal, sand, and fire clones, but none have been successful as far as we know. There is also a kinjutsu clone, the shadow clone, that uses a huge amount of chakra, and transfers the memories of the clone's 'life' beck to the user. This makes shadow clones perfect for training muscle memory and chakra flow for jutsu, and also for recon on missions. It is a kinjutsu because of the massive chakra consumption, and the memory backlash when the user dispels the clones.

Oddly enough, this lecture took all day, and by the end, Naruto, Shikamaru, Kiba, Chouji, and even Sasuke were asleep on their desks.

* * *

[After class]

After class, Naruto stayed to talk to Azure. "Azure-sensei-"

Azure cut him off. "Don't call me sensei. Just like I'm sure Zen has told you, I also hate titles, except when they sound badass."

"Uh...Okay...So what stuff are we gonna learn? I need to know what I have to know to pass, so I can sleep without fear of failing"

"...Okay... To pass, you need to make three clones, do a kwarimi, a henge, show adequate skill in your hand-to-hand style of choice, hit a target with at least five kunai and five shiruken, display an adequate amount of stealth on an obstacle course, and take a written test on the history of Konoha."

Naruto stared at him with a dumbfounded look on his face. "I can already do that... just don't tell anyone. I'm supposed to keep my real abilities secret. So that means I can sleep in class?"

Azure sighed "Yes, I guess so, but I'm going to ask Zen if you can really do all that."

Naruto jumped around like the ADHD kid he is. "Sweet! now I don't have to pay attention to Iruka!"

Azure sweatdropped. "Hey... Naruto... I know this seems stupid, but could you kelp me unlock my chakra? If you haven't noticed, I'm not from here, so I can't use chakra..."

"So while Zen is... training me, I can also tor- I mean train you? Okay, this will be fun. Meet me here an hour before the academy starts." Said Naruto with an evil smile

* * *

[The next day]

"Okay, close your eyes and feel around your body for two sources of energy. one of them is spiritual energy and the other is physical energy. When you find them, try to push them together in equal parts. If they mix correctly, you have chakra. I'll show you how to use it tomorrow, for now focus on mixing them." explained Naruto.

* * *

[Later that year]

"Okay, today we will be working on your chakra control." said Iruka "Come up and get a leaf and put it on your forehead and concentrate your chakra there so it sticks."

Naruto snorted to himself. He had been doing this since the second day of the academy. Tree climbing at the end of first semester, water walking in the early second year. He had just started kunai balancing and, with his shadow clones, he was getting close to mastering it. Next was balancing on senbon, then waterfall running, then he could make up his own, or do more difficult things, like going up the waterfall on his hands, or his tails. (_He gained control of the second tail on his tenth birthday earlier that year. When he gains control of a tail, he grows another one_). He had Zen apply a chakra disruption seal to him so it seemed that he didn't have control of his chakra.

He put the leaf on his forehead and concentrated chakra there. The leaf flew ten feet away.

He got the leaf, and put it on his forehead, and tried again with less chakra, and it fell off.

He picked it up, put it on his forehead, and tried again with more chakra, and it flew five feet away.

This process continued for about five minutes until he got it.

"Iruka-sensei! I did it!" shouted a seemingly excited Naruto.

"Good. Try and keep it there for as long as you can." said Iruka.

Naruto did just that, but seemed to fail at first after a minute, but after about ten tries, he made it stick for about 25 minutes, and was getting better every time, or so everyone thought...

* * *

[In the Hokage's office, roughly two weeks after the initial hop.]

Azure, Lika and Angle walked into the office.

"Well hello, what can I do for you today?" asked the old Hokage.

"We think it's time for you to know the real reason why we are here. You will tell no one. If you do, we kill you, find the person you told, torture them to know if they told anyone, and kill them once they have, repeat until everyone that knows is dead. It translates into your classification system as a SSS-class secret, possibly higher."Azure breathed deeply and rubbed his throat. The Hokage nodded, then made the hand seal for the privacy barrier.

"Okay, listen good, because we're only saying this once. The paintball game was a cover for what we're actually here for. Yes, it was fun, but there's more to it. Our story requires some background information, so it's time for a little history lesson. Hell is made up of nine circles, the first being the furthest out and the eighth being in the center, and the ninth underground beneath it. There is a war going on in Hell now. We are here to recruit immortals to fight in the war. The ninth circle, which is larger than the rest combined, is at war with the rest, the eighth being the battleground, and sometimes the ninth, if we can push them back enough." said Lika.

"Why did the war start? and why do you sound so... collected" asked Sarutobi.

"The demons of the ninth circle were tired of being 'punished' for crimes they did not commit. they revolted against their opressors, and after they won, they declared war on everyone else...that was nearly fifteen thousand years ago." said Lika

"All dimensional timelines revolve around Hell. Literally. If Hell were a circle, the timelines would all be tangents, intersecting at the beginning. Our dimensional abilities can't take us between dimensions directly. Hell is kinda like a hub for all of the dimensions, so we have to go to Hell to be able to go somewhere else. Our space abilities allow us to go to any place within the universe we are in at the time, but not go to a different spot on the timeline. Our time abilities are the same as our dimensional abilities. We have to go back to Hell to go to a different time." Angle said with a yawn.

"We will help as many people as we can, so we will take the occasional mission to put our skills to use. I suggest listing all of us at elite jounin, but at kage level. We will train Naruto, and those of his friends that have both potential and proper mindset. If this world becomes peaceful within their lives, we will take them, and any others we might find, back to fight, because they will not be needed here at that point." said Azure

"So your goal is to bring peace to us, and then take away our greatest warriors to fight for you?" asked the old Hokage.

"Yes. If Hell is taken over, all worlds will fall. And none will be spared" (A/N: DUN! DUN! DUUUUNNNN!) (B/N: This sounds cheesy as hell, doesn't it?)

* * *

[Academy, late 2nd year]

"Today, we're sparring. It's Shino vs. Chouji, Sasuke vs. Ino, Sakura vs. Shikamaru, Hinata vs. Kiba, and Naruto vs. Kurenai." said Iruka

* * *

[Shino vs. Chouji]

Shino stood absolutely still. Chouji stood ten feet away in the first stance of his clan's style. Chouji started to waver back and forth, as if he was trying to stay awake, but failing.

Chouji proceeded to pass out on the ground, making Shino the winner.

_(Shino used his bugs to drain Chouji's chakra. Chouji passed out from chakra depletion.)_

* * *

[Sasuke vs. Ino]

"I give up. I can't hurt Sasuke-kun! I love him too much!" Screamed Ino in her fangirl voice.

"Hn" said Sasuke

* * *

[Sakura vs. Shikamaru]

"Kage mane, success." said Shikamaru as he reached for a kunai. he got one out of his pouch, and Sakura reached for where hers would be, if she were right-handed. Shikamaru simply walked up to her, and making her walk to him, and put the kunai at her throat. "Troublesome. Forfeit."

She did just that. "I give up."

* * *

[Hinata vs. Kiba]

"Hey Hinata, would you just give up? I'm obviously betterer and awesomer than you, and girls can't beat guys ever." said Kiba, who was being extremely arrogant.

"A-Ano, K-Kiba-kun, I-I w-won't give u-up." stuttered Hinata.

"Okay, but don't start crying when I win." said Kiba as he ran towards Hinata.

Hinata stepped to the side and sent multiple palm strikes at his lung. She hit (of course) and closed a few tenketsu there. Kiba lunged at her again, and this time she closed off the tenketsu in his arm, making it hang limp. This continued, with Hinata closing off Kiba's tenketsu, until all of the tenketsu in his arms and legs, and a few in his torso, were closed, leaving him a heap on the floor.

Hinata took out a kunai and held it to his throat. "Give up, Kiba-kun." _(adrenaline makes her stop stuttering.)_

Kiba sighed. "I give up."

Hinata then reopened his tenketsu, and walked away, probably looking for Naruto.

* * *

[Naruto vs. Kurenai]

Naruto took a sloppy version of the academy taijutsu stance, only for Kurenai to disappear. _"Genjutsu... but I'm still supposed to be an idiot, so..."_ He looked around seemingly randomly, only to get hit in the face by... something invisible that he could sense, but decided not to show that he could. "What the fuck?"

This continues until Naruto 'passed out' from the 'pain.' In reality, he fell asleep from boredom.

* * *

Omake: Naruto being chased by Anko

Naruto was walking up to the Dango stand that Anko was at most of the time. his mission today was to piss her off and get her to chase him. How? He was going to find a way to get the trench coat off of her. (A/N: Perversion: Best. Weapon. Ever.)

Naruto walked up to Anko and said "Uh... You're Anko... Right?"

Anko turned around slowly. "Yeah, gaki, and who are you?"

"I'm Naruto Uzumaki, and I'm gonna be Hokage!" he said, then fell forward, his face slamming into her stomach, and throwing open her trench coat, revealing that she indeed did not wear a bra, then running like hell expecting the worst.

"STUPID FUCKING KID! GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE!" screamed Anko as she closed her trench coat and pulled out a few... hundred kunai from wherever the hell she keeps them and throwing them in handfuls at him.

_"Now I see why they consider this training" _thought Naruto as he dodged the dozens of kunai and shiruken that were being thrown at him.

"Dammit gaki! I only want to hurt you a little!" screamed Anko as she chased him.

"No! I don't like pain! Pain hurts!"

They continued running around the village randomly screaming about pain and blood until Anko got tired and went home.

A similar thing happened every day after that.

* * *

A/N: I think I now have a sequel. If you're confused about the timeline, look at the brackets after the scene breaks.

(B/N: If you need a better explanation, just ask.)

Give me new ideas! Give me constructive criticisms!

Vote and tell me what other girls you want to be in the poll!

Review! Hail the Log! Vote! Review again! Sleep! Don't die!


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: I'm writing faster than my beta can edit... It's kinda sad, considering I'm constantly getting better at writing, so he's mostly rephrasing sentences to make more sense and the few minor mistakes that I actually make...

[B/N:...honestly, I've just been a lazy bum...]

All of the girls have more than five votes... Tell me what other girls you want in the harem!

"Normalish talking"

"_Normalish thinking"_

"**Demonic talking"**

"_**Demonic thinking"**_

_Me! The author if I have something to explain  
_

_**The betaer, if he has anything to explain**_

(A/N: Me saying something irrelevant)

(B/N: Betaer saying something irrelevant)

Enjoy!

* * *

[Naruto's house, genin exam day]

"Today's the test, kid. Ace it, like I know you can. Throw the kunai and shiruken in random directions and use wind manipulation to show off like you haven't done ever at the academy. Create a crap-load of kage bunshin. Go in and sit on the ceiling without anyone noticing. Replace yourself with the one throwing the kunai at you. Turn into Sasuke and say 'Hn'" said Zen, chuckling at the last one. "And Azure?"

"Hmm?"

"Try to act surprised... And why are you acting like a zombie?"

"...There is far, _far,_ to much blood in my caffeine system..."

Naruto chose that moment to interrupt.

"Riiiiight... I'm gonna go make fun of/publicly humiliate Sasuke and Sakura now..." said Naruto, who was laughing at the thought of rubbing his strength into the teme's face.

"Just don't go too far... You might end up making him go past the point of no return on the path of revenge..."

"That WOULD be bad... Maybe I should knock him down a few hundred pegs first..."

Azure, who had found a pot of coffee, idly wondered out loud: "Is that even possible?"

* * *

[Academy]

"Okay everyone, sit down." said Iruka.

They continued talking.

Azure smirked.

Iruka sighed, then used the big-head no jutsu. "SIT DOWN AND SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

Kurenai let out a resigned sigh and handed Azure a wad of cash.

Everyone scrambled to get to their seats. there was one person missing. Naruto.

"Dammit... Naruto is late... Again" sighed Iruka.

"Nope. I'm up here."

Everyone looked up and saw Naruto sitting cross legged. On the ceiling. He was wearing black cargo pants, a skintight black long sleeved shirt with a collar that acted like a mask, a black flak jacket, black shinobi sandals with black wrapping going up his leg, and a black trench coat with medium length sleeves and crimson and orange flames licking the bottom hem.

The way he held himself made him seem like a seasoned shinobi, not an academy student. He seemed more calm and collected, and he hadn't yelled about being Hokage or asked Sakura out at all. Yet.

Naruto, in a perfect show of grace and agility, flipped from his position on the ceiling and landed perfectly in his seat. "Not late am I?" he asked.

Everyone was too shocked to answer. Azure 'recovered' first.

"Naruto... How long have you been able to do that?" he asked.

"Since the beginning of the third year my agility was up to that level. I'm further now."

The thoughts of all of the students in the room were something like _"How long has the dead-last been that good?"_

When Iruka finally recovered, he said "Okay class, time to start the exam." (A/N: I don't feel like writing how the exams went for anyone other than Naruto.)

Iruka handed out a written test. "There are five parts. Written, stealth, kunai/shiruken throwing, taijutsu, and ninjutsu. Each will be 20% of your grade. Above 60% and you pass."

* * *

[Timeskip: end of the written part, outside the academy]

"Now you will run an obstacle course and try not to set off any traps. There are 20 traps, each rigged to ring a bell if they are set off. Each bell rung will subtract 1% from your grade. First up: Aburame Shino." (A/N: skipping everyone except Naruto, because he's gonna do something badass.)

" ...Uzumaki Naruto. GO!" Naruto ran off onto the trail, not making a sound at all. Three minutes later, he came out the other side and showed Iruka 20 bells. "I win."

* * *

(A/N: I'm just going to skip the explanation of the rest and just say the name of the test and skip to Naruto)

[Throwing]

Naruto stepped up to the target and turned his back to it. He threw ten kunai and ten shiruken into the air all at once, and they all changed direction in the air, heading straight for the center of the target. They all pierced completely through the target and kept going, eventually burying themselves in a rock 10 feet away.

Iruka stared in shock. _"Most people don't learn elemental manipulation until at least chunin, and Naruto learned as an academy student!"_

* * *

[Taijutsu]

"Naruto vs. Sasuke. FIGHT!"

Naruto was standing in an extremely odd stance with one foot forward, both forearms parallel to the ground, palms facing down, right arm above the left.

Sasuke ran straight at him and tried to punch him. Naruto stepped to the side, grabbed Sasuke's extended arm and twisted his arm behind him. "I win."

* * *

[Ninjutsu]

"Naruto Uzumaki."

Naruto made three kage bunshin, transformed one of them into Sasuke. It said "Hn," and he replaced himself with it. "Again, I. Win."

He had one of the clones transform into a Hitae-ate, put it on, had it replace itself with a real one, dispelled the clone, replaced himself with the clone in his seat, and dispelled the other two clones.

* * *

[Just after the exam finished]

"Dobe! teach me how to do that." demanded Sasuke

"...What is 'that'?" asked Naruto, feigning ignorance

"All of it. how did you make solid clones that can transform and replace themselves? How did you manipulate those kunai and shiruken in the air? How did you beat me in taijutsu?"

"...Why do you want to know?"

"So I can kill my brother and avenge my clan"

"...No"

"WHAT? WHY?"

"Because power isn't for killing people or avenging people. Power is for protecting the people you care about."

"No. Power can only be obtained if you hate someone. Power is obtained through hate and the desire to kill."

"That's exactly why I won't teach you. You have been blinded by revenge. Come back when you realize the truth. And I will know if you're lying." Naruto turned around and walked away.

"Dammit dobe, tell me how you got strong" screamed Sasuke as he ran at Naruto trying to punch him in the back of the head.

Naruto turned around, grabbed his wrist, kicked his legs out from under him, and pushed his arm into an awkward position.

"I would advise not fighting me. Ever. If you want to live longer than under five seconds."

* * *

A/N: He aced the test, and then some. He publicly humiliated Sasuke, and he went from dead-last to seasoned shinobi overnight (not really, but only him and the eight OCs know that).

He mastered wind manipulation (thank god for kage bunshin), is stealthier than some jounin, has demonic stamina, and is faster than many jounin, the only thing holding him back is his body size, which he can change, and his lack of experience

Read! Review! Vote! Suggest Scenes/Funny Crap! Don't Have Sex (Yet...)! Review Again! And Don't Go Towards the Light!

Oh, and TKB, chicken.

[B/N:..Godda-! Fuck! My eyes! My eyes!]


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Time for the random misadventures of my OCs!

B/N: This is pretty much filler... And filler that doesn't make much sense.

A/N: Yeah, but it's funny as hell!

As of 3/23: has had an error for the past few days. I finally found a way to get around it. Thanks DanteSparda894!

"Normalish talking"

"_Normalish thinking"_

"**Demonic talking"**

"_**Demonic thinking"**_

_Me! The author if I have something to explain  
_

_**The betaer, if he has anything to explain**_

(A/N: Me saying something irrelevant)

(B/N: Betaer saying something irrelevant)

Enjoy!

* * *

[Later that night]

"Good job on passing! Now, Would you like to live here? I know your house is crap, and we have a... few... extra rooms. The only reason we didn't before is because you weren't an adult..." Said Zen.

"Hell yea! So which one is mine?" Asked Naruto.

"Upstairs, last room on the left. There is a study above each room. Yours is not an exception. Go seal everything into a scroll and bring it over."

* * *

_For the next part, I will have to explain something. With the war going on, the eight of them had to learn to deal with stress. Zen, being the leader of an army, just went insane. Azure, being his second-in-command, became an insomniac. Lika got increased sadistic tendencies and libido. Scotty was already insane, his family was killed in front of him, and just became more sadistic. Angle dealt with his stress through meditation and Darren immersed himself in music and becoming the best medic he possibly could. Setsuna cooked (a lot), and became the chronic prankster of the group, and Angel tortured the captives and read (a lot)._

* * *

[A half hour later]

[A half hour later]

"Come, Captain Fuzzypants! We must find the honey nut Cheerio's before the magical orange elephants attack and steal the lampshade of death and destruction!" Shouted Zen, was dragging a franticly struggling Azure to the 6th level below ground.

"DAMMIT! I'M NOT CAPTAIN FUZZYPANTS! WHERE THE FUCKING HELL ARE YOU TAKING ME?" shouted Azure, who was flailing randomly.

"I'm taking you to find the honey nut Cheerio's. Wait! I must find someone to defend the lampshade of death and destruction! Lieutenant Sarcasm! Front and center!"

"YES, ADMIRAL AKBAR!" shouted Scotty, who had appeared in front of him.

"ITSATRAP! Go protect the lampshade of death and destruction from the magical orange elephants! Recruit anyone you'd like for this assignment. You must be willing to sacrifice your life to protect it from the forces of evil!"

Far off in the distance, you could hear an old guy yelling "EEEEEEVVVVIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLL!"

"...Who was that?" asked Zen.

About five seconds later, two old guys appeared. One of them said "Greetings! I am mermaid man, and this is barnacle boy. We hav-" at that point they fell on the ground and started gasping for breath, like a fish out of water.

This was the scene Naruto walked into. "...Who are they, and why are they flopping around on the ground like fish?" He asked somewhat hesitantly.

"They randomly appeared after I said 'evil.'" said Zen.

"EEEEEVVVVVVIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLL!" shouted one of them.

"..."

They disappeared in a cloud of smoke. "Heheh...the wrinkly people are gone." said Zen. "Now, where were we... Oh, yeah! Come Captain Fuzzypants! We still must find the honey nut cheerio's!" and with that, Zen and Azure disappeared. No smoke, no flash of light, just the faint sounds of a scream on the wind.

"...Did I miss something?" asked Naruto.

* * *

[Later]

"Corporal Orange! We have returned from our quest!" Shouted Zen as he dragged Azure back, who was on the ground twitching and bleeding, with a box of honey nut cheerio's in his hand.

"...Is that me?" asked Naruto.

"It seems so..." said 'Lieutenant Sarcasm'.

Suddenly, the wall exploded, and a line of orange elephants walked in. Naruto wondered idly if there was LSD floating in the air ducts.

"NNNNNNOOOOOOO! YOU SHALL NOT GET THE LAMPSHADE OF DEATH AND DESTRUCTION! MY FLYING PENS AND THE DRAGON BONETAIL (A/N: Paper Mario: the Thousand Year Door.) SHALL DEFEAT YOU!" shouted Zen, and a large number of pens flew out. Followed by a huge dragon skeleton.

The resulting battle lasted for four hours, and destroyed the living room and a third of the the orange elephants were defeated and the world was saved form the wrath of the lampshade of death and destruction.

Naruto, who was twitching madly, put all of his stuff, which wasn't much, into his room.

* * *

[Later]

"HEY GUYS! MUSIC TIME!" shouted Darren, prompting all of the musically inclined people to drop what they were doing and run to the music room. Something that gave Naruto a panic attack.

Darren was quad sticking on a marimba, Scotty had a drum set, Angel had her bass, Angle played assorted brass/percussion instruments, and Azure and Zen had their guitars. The resulting music created an odd mix between rock, from the feel of the string instruments and the style of music, and concert band music, from the bells and the assorted brass parts, with a little bit of jazz.

* * *

[Still later]

"HEY GUYS I HAVE WAFFLES!" shouted Setsuna from the kitchen.

"WAFFLES! I WILL HAS DA DELICIOUS YUMMINESSES OF DA WAFFLEZ!" shouted Zen, who had appeared at the table and started banging his silverware on the table.

* * *

[Even Later]

Zen could be seen in a corner in the fetal position rocking back and forth muttering "The cake is a lie the cake is a lie the cake is a lie the cake is a lie"(B/N: From Portal) over and over for a few hours.

Naruto saw this. "I know he does things like this sometimes, but how often does he actually do insane stuff like this?" he asked no one in particular.

"He used to do it many, many times a day. But now he as it down to just when he's actually alone... or when he thinks he's alone. It's a far cry from when he used to go on killing sprees or just break down and cry on a daily basis." Naruto flinched. He hadn't even noticed Azure sneak up next to him.

* * *

[Even later after that]

The eight of them were sitting at a round(ish) table playing poker. Each of them had a mask that looked almost like... bone (A/N: It's a hollow mask. They already went to the Bleach universe and gained both soul reaper and hollow powers. They achieved bankai, the final form of their hollow powers, which could be considered a resurrection, and learned all kido made, and created a few of their own. No one can feel the spirit energy because no one is spiritually sensitive...and because their bodies can hide it.) to hide their face.

Zen's was in the shape of a fox's head with three whisker marks on each cheek in red and two slit eye holes, the outside pointing up at a 30 degree angle or so. Azure's was in a shape that vaguely resembles a truncated teardrop, with shark teeth, a blue water pattern over the left eye and a red fire pattern over the right. Lika had a plain white mask with the kanji for earth in the bottom left corner in brown, lightning about two thirds of the way up in yellow, wind at the top in green, fire opposite lightning in redish orange, and water opposite earth in blue (A/N: Anyone who knows the pattern and tells me in a review gets a cookie and a shout out for being smart!). Scotty's mask was green with black spiderweb cracks originating from the right eye. Setsuna's mask had blue snowflakes of differing size. Darren's mask has a symbol that looks somewhere in between a swastika and a red cross that got twisted and deformed like melted rubber, and turned black just above his left eye and the bridge of his nose. Angel had a black mask that covered her whole head with blood red angel wings on the side.

"Full house" grinned Azure, showing three nines and two fives.

"Straight" smirked Angle, showing a three of clubs, a four of hearts, a five of hearts, a six of diamonds, and a seven of hearts.

"GO FISH FUCKERS!" shouted Zen as he threw down his cards, showing a ten, a jack, a queen, a king, and an ace... all diamonds.

"...He won again...I'm starting to wonder why we even let him play..." muttered Azure.

"HAHA! Now you all have to go down that slide to square 37!" shouted Zen, obviously ignoring him.

"You're insane...still..." muttered Lika.

"Bingo! Yatzee! Where's my two hundred dollars? I sunk your battleship!"

* * *

A/N: Random insanity is so fun...

I've decided to only put the five girls that had the highest number of votes.

Review! I wants review cookies!

Read, review,vote, hail the log, go be insane, don't die.

Bye!


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Team placements. The arrogance of the emo bastard and the fangirlishness of his fangirl.

Poll is closed. Results?

Kyuubi-15

Anko-15

Tenten-16

Haku-15

Temari-15

Hinata-10

Yugito-5

Top five: Tenten, Kyuubi, Haku, Anko, and Temari.

"Normalish talking"

"_Normalish thinking"_

"**Demonic talking"**

"_**Demonic thinking"**_

_Me! The author if I have something to explain  
_

_**The betaer, if he has anything to explain**_

(A/N: Me saying something irrelevant)

(B/N: Betaer saying something irrelevant)

Enjoy!

* * *

[Next day, Academy]

"Beginning today all of you are real ninjas... But you are still merely rookie "Genin." The hard part has just started. Now... You will soon be assigned duties by the village. So today we will be creating the three man teams... And each team will have a "Jounin" sensei. You will follow that sensei's instructions as you complete the assigned duties. (A/N: Straight from the manga. Hooray for laziness!)

The thoughts of the class?

_"Anyone but Sasuke and Sakura... Being on Hinata-chan's team would be nice..._(A/N: He's not completely oblivious here.) _Anyone but Sasuke and Sakura..."_

_"Only more people to hold me back..."_

_"Let me be with my Sasuke-kun! And not be with Naruto-baka__(CHAAA!)__"_

_"Tch. Troublesome"_

_"__Man...almost out of chips...__"_

_"__I will be with my Sasuke-kun! Love will prevail!__"_

_"I-I hope I-I'm on N-Naruto-kun's t-team _(A/N: Yes, she stutters in her thoughts. B/N:...that's incredibly sad... A/N: Yes, yes it is. I'm also going to make Hayate cough in his thoughts.)

_"I hope I'm with Hinata-chan"_

_"..."_

"Team 1 is..."

(B/N:...Ima go out on a limb here and say you were just being a lazy bum... A/N: No shit... I didn't feel like coming up with names for random ass people that will only be mentioned once...)

"Team 7 is Naruto Uzumaki, Sakura Haruno,"

"DAMMIT!"

"and Sasuke Uchiha"

"FUCK!"

"YES! True love always prevails!"

"Under Kakashi Hatake. Team 8 is Shino Aburame, Hinata Hyuuga, and Kiba Inuzuka."

"YEA!"

"Under Kurenai Yuhi... Who was promoted two years ago and never bothered telling us. Team 9 is still active, so team 10 is Chouji Amakichi, Shikamaru Nara, and Ino Yamanaka."

"NOOO! WHY DO I HAVE TO BE WITH THE FATASS AND THE LAZY BASTARD?"

"Under Asuma Sarutobi. Team 11 is..."

"Okay, be back here in an hour and your senseis will pick you up."

* * *

[About an hour later]

"Team 3, come with me."

"Team 6, come with me."

"Team 13, come with me"

"Team 2, come with me."

"Team 5, come with me."

"Team 11, come with me"

"Team 4, come with me."

"Team 8, come with me."

"Team 1, come with me."

"Team 10, come with me."

"Team 12, come with me."

_"If I know Kakashi, he's gonna be three hours late... hmmm... How he shall be punished for his tardiness... Ill need some orange paint..."_

* * *

[Three hours or so later]

_"In 3...2...1..."_ The door opened, setting off a tripwire, opening the bottom of a sphere right above Kakashi's head. The falling paint had the wonderful effect of dying his hair orange and staining the pages of his 'precious', so both now matched the cover of said book. Naruto fell on the floor he laughing so hard.

"Hmmm. How can I say this... My first impression is... I don't like you guys! At all!" the scarecrow paused and began twitching violently while stairing at his book like one would their dead wife. "...Meet me on the roof in ten minutes." And with that he disappeared in a swirl of leaves, also stained orange.

Sasuke and Sakura looked around and Naruto was nowhere to be found.

* * *

[On the roof]

Kakashi appeared in a swirl of leaves, only to see five Narutos playing a game of poker. "The hell took you so long?"

Kakashi sighed. "Had to replace the book...though how did you get here before me? This copy was hidden in that power box...five feet away..."

"I didn't." They disappeared in a puff of smoke

Kakashio had a 'what the fuck' look on his face under his mask.

"I was above you the whole time." He looked up to see Naruto... floating above him

Kakashi, yet again, had a 'what the fuck' look on his face under his mask. "...How are you floating?"

"Wind manipulation... And the power of youth."

Kakashi shuddered as if he was in pain, while maintaining a pensive look on his face. _"Most ninja don't even start elemental training until chunin... and an academy student has mastered the rarest of them! I know he's Minato's kid, but this is ridiculous! I might not be able to teach him anything..."_

"Sasuke and Sakura are almost here. And before you ask, also wind manipulation. The air has become like an extra set of nerves, and I can restrict how far I can sense. The only thing I can't sense are things that have been sealed off. Things that I can't reach with my chakra."

Kakashi didn't bother making a face under his mask. It was too troublesome.

"..."

"Shadow clones. Thousands of them. Terrible headaches. Scary earth spikes shooting out of the ground. Mass impailment. ...so many sharp and pointy things meaning me harm..."

"Dobe! Where the hell did you go?" shouted Sasuke as he came out onto the roof.

"I was with Kakashi-sensei the whole time." replied Naruto.

"Okay... Let's begin with some introductions. Tell me your name, likes, dislikes, hobbies, and dreams." said Kakashi.

"Why don't you go first, Kakashi-sensei?" asked Sakura.

"Ohh... Me? My name is Kakashi Hatake. I have no desire to tell you guys about my likes and dislikes. Dreams for the future...? Hmm... Well I have lots of hobbies..."

"Like reading porn in public." muttered Naruto, loud enough for all to hear.

"Hey! Don't insult the precious! The precious never hurt you!"

"...that's a lie. Setsuna-san has a wicked throwing arm...and a zero pervert policy, though I'm not quite sure how she manages that considering who she lives with..."

"...Moving on... Pinkie, you're next."

"I'm Sakura Haruno, the thing I like is..." She glanced at Sasuke and giggled. "My dream for the future is..." She looked at Sasuke and giggled again. "The thing I dislike is Naruto-baka, and my hobby is..." She looked at Sasuke, again, and squeled.

_"Great... I got a fangirl as a student/teammate"_ thought the other three.

"Ookaay... Emo, you're next."

"...My name is Sasuke Uchiha. There are tons of things I dislike and I don't really like anything... I don't want to use the word 'dream', but I have an ambition. The resurrection of my clan and... To kill a certain man."

_'Itachi...'_

_'I see he didn't take my words to heart...'_

_'KYA! Sasuke-kun is so cool!'_

"...Blondie, you're next."

"My name is Naruto Uzumaki. I have no desire to tell you guys about my likes and dislikes. Dreams for the future...? Hmm... Well I have lots of hobbies..."

_"That's exactly what I/Sensei told them/us" _thought the other three_  
_

_"So I have a fangirl, an avenger, and the enigmatic son of my sensei... joy...I'd rather just take Naruto on as an apprentice... Teach him the Rasengan... Show him how to complete it... Help him make new jutsu...introduce him to Icha Icha in a non-painful way..."_ thought Kakashi sadly._  
_

"OK, meet me at training ground 7 tomorrow at 6 AM. Don't bother eating breakfast. You'll just throw up." said Kakashi with an eye-smile. He vanished in a swirl of leaves.

Sasuke and Sakura looked around, only to see that Naruto was gone... again_..._

_"Where the fuck does he go?"_ thought the two remaining members of team seven._  
_

* * *

A/N: Soon the emo bastard and his fangirl shall be punished for their arrogance/fangirlishness_... *_sadistic laughter*

Read! Review! Vote! Hail the Log! Review Again! Send the DCD After the Emo and the Fangirl Banshee!

B/N: Asking for the reader(s)'(s) opinion: should Sasuke remain a douch? Or should he eventually be fixed?

A/N: I did say it was Sasuke bashing... But ill still ask. New poll!


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: The REAL genin exam.

"Normalish talking"

_"Normalish thinking"_

**"Demonic talking"**

_**"Demonic thinking/Inner Sakura"**_

Normal narration

_me! the author explaining something_

_**the betaer, if he has anything to explain**_

(A/N: me saying something irrelevant)

(B/N: betaer saying something irrelevant)

Enjoy!

* * *

[Uzumaki residence, 8 AM]

"Hmmm... If Kakashi is as late as normal, he'll be there in an hour... I guess it's time to get ready..." said Naruto to the voice(s) in his head.

**"Hmm? Were you talking to me? I wasn't paying attention..."** said the only voice in his head... that happened to be a separate person. (A/N: Thought I forgot about her? Noooo... He doesn't go insane in the academy because he learns new stuff from her.)

"DAMN YOU KYUU AND YOU COOL HIP ATTITUDE!"

**"Be careful Naruto... If you keep talkng to me out loud, people might think you're insane...again."** deadpanned Kyuubi.

"But what if I WANT to make them think I'm insane? And I thought I already was insane."

**"...Just shut the hell up and go meet team seven!"**

"Yes ma'am..."

* * *

[Training ground seven: one hour later]

**"YOU'RE BOTH LATE!"** screeched Sakura in her super-sonic-banshee voice as Kakashi and Naruto walked into the training ground, side by side, perfectly in step, both reading books. Kakashi his Icha-Icha, and Naruto with a complete set of all six of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy trilogy.

"Yo!" said Kakashi and Naruto at the same time, and then flipped a page in sync. "We got lost on the road of life, then a black cat crossed our path, so we had to take the long way here. THEN we saw an old lady with groceries, so we helped her, and now we're here."

In the distance, the four could hear a voice screaming "DAMN YOU KAKASHI AND YOU AND YOUR STUDENT'S COOL HIP ATTITUDE!"

All four of them shivered.

* * *

[Somewhere else]

Angle twitched then looked around. "I feel a disturbance in the force..."

* * *

[Back with team seven]

"What the fuck was that Ero-sensei?" asked Naruto.

"Don't ask me that if you value your sanity..."

"Heh. Sanity? Sorry, I don't recall ever having anything like that." said Naruto, whose voice had become deep and raspy. (A/N: Bleach!)

"...O...K... That was my 'eternal rival', Mito Gai...He is...creepy... reeaally creepy..." Kakashi muttered in an extremely scared tone.

"...O...K... Can we start the test now?"

"...Yeah..." he put an alarm clock on one of the posts in the training ground and showed them two bells. "You have until noon to get these bells from me. Anyone that doesn't have a bell gets sent back to the academy. Since there are only two bells, one of you will fail. Ready? 3...2..-" He was cut-off because Naruto had shot out at him with a sword in mid swing. Kakashi managed to block with a kunai. "Hey! I didn't say go yet..."

"A ninja doesn't wait for the enemy to be ready. He attacks on HIS terms." Replied Naruto in a somewhat bored tone.

Naruto backed up, created a sealless shadow clone behind Kakashi, and it tried to hit him in the back of the head. Kakashi dodged to the side and the original moved to cut him off. Naruto swung his sword at Kakashi, who jumped back the way he came, and ducked, remembering the clone that was there before. Said clone, instead of punching at where his torso was, had drop kicked where his body was/is. Kakashi ended up being kicked in the ass, then flying into the air. He landed in a crouch, and another Naruto appeared behind him.

"Hidden Leaf Ancient Taijutsu Supreme Technique! 1,000 YEARS OF PAIN!" Naruto proceeded to make the tora handsign and shove his fingers up Kakashi's ass. Kakashi flew a few hundred meters, screaming, and landed on his face.

"Dammit Naruto! That's what I was gonna do!" Kakashi pouted childishly, while still rubbing his sore ass, and poofed into smoke.

"Dammit! Shadow clone! Let's see... I can't sense him in the air... AH! There he is! Underground!" he then jumped into the air, and just hovered there.

"Awww... You found me... I was gonna bury you up to your head..." pouted Kakashi as he popped out of the ground, somehow still reading his porn, while Naruto dropped from the sky in an axe kick. Kakashi blocked, only for Naruto to kick up with his other leg and hit him in the face.

Kakashi fell back and landed on his ass only for him to dissolve into water. "Dammit! A water clone!" Naruto reached out with his senses again only to find that Kakashi actually wasn't there.

* * *

[Somewhere else]

"Where is Sasuke-kun? I have to help my precious Sasuke-kun!" "Hell yeah! Shannaro!"thought Sakura/Inner Sakura.

"Sak...u...ra" groaned a voice behind her.

She turned around, only to see Sasuke with kunai and shurakan sticking out of him. "!" She fainted.

"...I may have gone too far...Shinobi fighting lesson #2 genjutsu."_"Wait, what the fuck happened to #1? Oh well, that's what Kishimoto told me to say... Wait, who the fuck is Kishimoto? Oh well, taht's what the author told me to say..._" muttered Kakashi, who was leaning up against a tree. Still reading his book.

* * *

[In yet another place]

"I'm not the same as her..." smirked Sasuke.

"Say that after you get a bell, Sasuke-kun." said Kakashi, who was leaning against a tree behind Sasuke. STILL reading his book.

Sasuke threw a few kunai at him, and he dodged, but the kunai triggered more knives to be shot towards Kakashi. He dodged those also.

Sasuke tried to kick Kakashi in the face but it was blocked. Sasuke then punched with his opposite arm, and after it was blocked, he kicked with his other leg, resulting in him having three limbs being held by Kakashi... and he was upside-down. He reached for the bells, only to miss barely.

Kakashi let go of Sasuke and jumped back. Sasuke started going through hand seals.

_"Horse, tiger, ram, monkey, boar, horse tiger." _"Katon: Gokakyu no jutsu!" roared Sasuke as a giant fireball flew from his mouth.

When the fire cleared, Kakashi was gone. "What the-"

Two arms grabbed his legs and pulled him into the ground. "Shinobi fighting lesson #3 ninjutsu."

* * *

[Random clearing]

Sakura had come across Sasuke and fainted, again, because she thought his head had been severed since the only part of him above ground was said bodypart. Sasuke managed to dig himself out, but just sat there. This is how Naruto found them.

"Hey, Ero-sensei! Look what I got!" Naruto held up two bells, then threw one to Sasuke and one to Sakura.

"...When?" asked Kakashi as he appeared from... somewhere. Still reading his book.

"The very beginning. I had two clones henge into bells and replace themselves with the bells on your belt, then dispel. All smokeless." replied Naruto, who sheathed his sword.

"...OK... I guess I have no choice but to pass you... You showed an acceptable amount of teamwork... even though Naruto did everything..." said Kakashi, muttering the last part so only Naruto could hear. "Meet back here at 6 AM tomorrow."

Kakashi and Naruto never put their books away during the fight and they walked out of training ground seven the same way they came. Beside each other, in step, turning pages at the exact same time.

"KYA! Sasuke-kun is so awesome! I bet Naruto-baka didn't even do anything!"

"...Hn"

* * *

A/N: Naruto is trying to beat the revenge and the arrogance out of Sasuke. Sakura will still be a fangirl/banshee and shall be bashed to hell. Sasuke will be bashed until he leaves his arrogance and revenge behind, which may not happen.

Read! Review! Brainstorm, then give me the ideas! Findz da shineyz! Hail the Log!


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: fillerish chapter... trying to get to the wave mission...

"Normalish talking"

"_Normalish thinking"_

"**Demonic talking"**

"_**Demonic thinking/Inner Sakura"**_

Normal narration

_me! the author explaining something_

_**the betaer, if he has anything to explain**_

(A/N: me saying something irrelevant)

(B/N: betaer saying something irrelevant)

Enjoy!

* * *

[The next day, three hours after team seven was supposed to meet, at training ground seven]

"Yo!" said Kakashi and Naruto, who were still perfectly in sync, as they walked up to Sasuke and Sakura.

**"YOU'RE LATE!"** yelled Sakura, once again using her mega-super-ultra-banshee-fangirl voice.

"Today, you get your first mission. To the mission hall!" shouted Kakashi, who walked away with Naruto still beside him.

* * *

[At the mission hall]

"Okay, you can paint a fence, chase Tora the cat, walk the Inuzuka dogs, chase Tora the cat, help an old lady with her groceries, chase Tora the cat, weed a garden, chase Tora the cat, clean an abandoned building, chase Tora the cat, paint a house, chase Tora the cat, organize the library, chase Tora the cat, babysit some kids, chase Tora the cat, rake a yard, chase Tora the cat, or chase Tora the de-...I mean cat." said the random chunin that was handing out the missions.

"Give me all of them. Including the missions that have been requested by more than one person." grinned Naruto.

"Are you sure? there are 73 missions for today..." the random chunin blinked in surprise.

"Leave two for each genin team. I want the rest."

"OK...here you go. 65 missions." staired the random chunin as he handed Naruto the mission scrolls. Naruto looked through them, then handed one to Kakashi, made a clone to stay with team seven, and walked out.

* * *

[Outside]

Naruto created 256 clones and had them divide up into groups of four. One in each group henged into Kakashi, one into Sasuke, and one into Sakura. he handed each 'Kakashi' a mission scroll.

"You guys know what to do." shouted the original.

After he heard 256 'Hai's, he walked back into the mission hall.

* * *

[Back inside]

As he walked back inside, still reading his book, the clone he left dispelled, surprising even Kakashi. "...Naruto...What was that about?" asked the cycloptic jounin.

"That was my income. Now that I'm a ninja, I need to have a large enough income to support myself. That will be unimaginably high because of my extreme eating habits and buying new ninja stuff after every goddamn fight...that and Zen and his 'family' are making me pay rent. Bastards." grumbled Naruto in a lazy way, not looking up from his book.

"...And how are you going to do all those missions?"

"With the secret to defeating paperwork." he answered cryptically.

"YOU KNOW HOW TO DEFEAT THE DREADED PAPERWORK? YOU MUST TELL ME!" screamed the hokage, who had appeared and started shaking Naruto by the collar of his shirt.

"One condition. After this week, no more D-ranked missions." (A/N: And it's friday...)

"YES, YES, ANTHING TO DEFEAT THE DREADED PAPERWORK!" shouted the old monkey.

"Can I get that in writing?"

"YES, JUST TELL ME HOW TO DEFEAT THE GOD FUCKING DAMN BANE OF MY EXISTENCE!" as he said this, Sarutobi quickly found something to write on and wrote something along the lines of 'I, Hiruzen Sarutobi, forbid anyone from giving the team consisting of Kakashi Hatake, Sasuke Uchiha, Sakura Haruno, and Naruto Uzumaki a D-rank mission as of Sunday, August 26th.' with his signature at the bottom. "HERE TAKE IT! NOW TELL ME!"

"...Kage bunshin."

As soon as the words left Naruto's mouth, the old man started banging his head on the wall, saying 'stupid' after every impact. After about a half hour, he managed to get out "...Team seven, you will get your first C-ranked mission on Sunday. Report here then. Be prepared to leave for a month."

"Thanks Jijii!" shouted Naruto, who proceeded to drag the other three members of his team to their first, and one of their last, D-ranked mission.

* * *

Omake time:

Zen and Angle meet Gai and Lee.

It was bright and early, about five in the morning, and Zen was dragging Angle out for morning warmups starting with laps around Konoha until burnout. Then two more. On their fourteenth lap, they saw two people with bowl cuts dressed in green spandex body suits.

"YOSH! GAI-SENSEI! IT SEEMS THAT THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE THAT SHARE OUR YOUTHFUL WAYS!" screamed the smaller one.

"IT SEEMS SO LEE! WE MUST SHOW THEM OUR WAYS OF YOUTHFULNESS!" shouted the one identified as Gai.

"YES! IF I CANNOT, I WILL RUN FIVE HUNDRED TIMES AROUND KONOHA!"

"WHAT A YOUTHFUL CHALLENGE! I SHALL DO IT WITH YOU, BUT ON MY HANDS, BALANCING A BOULDER ON MY FEET!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

They met in a hug of youthfulness(B/N: the author made me write that... word... *shudders* it burned my fingers), both crying anime tears, and creating the illusion of a sunset.

"...Hey Angle, you wanna try that in front of the rest of the guys?" asked Zen.

"...That would be most entertaining... Sure..." replied Angle.

* * *

[Later, at their house]

"Okay guys, watch this...ANGLE!"

"ZEN!"

"ANGLE!"

"ZEN!"

"ANGLE!"

"ZEN!"

They also met in a hug of epic youthfulness (B/N: It burns!), both crying anime tears and creating the sunset illusion of youth.../death. They were on a beach, with a sunset behind them.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? I CAN ACTUALLY FEEL THE HEAT FROM THE SUN!" shouted Azure, before a fierce wind blew him into the ocean. "WHAT THE FUCK? THIS IS ACTUAL WATER! SALT WATER! GODDAMMIT! TURN IT OFF!"

"NO! THE YOUTHFULNESS OF THIS BEACH SHALL PREVAIL OVER YOUR UNYOUTHFUL ACTIONS!" shouted Zen, who was currently trying to scale the mountain that was further in the background.

"GODDAMMIT YOU BASTARD! I GOT SALT WATER IN MY EYES! TURN IT OFF!"

"NO! THAT WOULD DIMINISH OUR FLAMES OF YOUTH!"

They continued arguing for over an hour until the sunset illusion of youthfulness(B/N: So much pain...) dissipated...

* * *

AN: Short chapter. I know. I'm rushing the space between graduation and the wave mission.

Here, I am going to go further into detail about Naruto's skills.

He has a natural affinity to wind and earth, and gained one to fire and water from his first two tails, along with control of one tail of youki for each. The third will be lightning, the fourth light and dark, the fifth gives him the kitsune doujutsu, which will be explained when he gets it, the sixth gives him the second level of the kitsune doujutsu, seventh gives him the third level, eighth gives the fourth level, and the ninth gives him mastery over yin yang manipulation.

He has such a mastery over wind and earth that they act as an extra set of nerves, and he is working on water, so he is immune to genjutsu, and he can make the elements do whatever he wants with a thought.

He has tweaked the kitsune tai and kenjutsu styled to fit his body style. He has mastered both.

He cannot use genjutsu, but can use kitsune illusions.

His gravity/resistance seal thing is up to 5x, roughly 550 pounds distributed over all of his muscles with more weight on the bigger muscles. his speed with the weight on is upper chunin, without weights he is upper jounin, low sannin on a good day. His strength is at the same proportion as his speed, high chunin with, high jounin without.

If you painted him white and threw him in a black room, he could hide. That is the extent of his stealth.

He can avoid Anko for multiple hours after groping her.

His stamina is demonic.

He can manipulate spiritual and physical energies separately.

He has learned hado up to #48 and bakudo up to #53

(If I missed any general skills, tell me)

Further in the story, he will learn to manipulate natural energy and more demonic energy (yoki). He will also eventually become a soul reaper with the shattered shaft, he will be a vizard.

He is extremely powerful, but I can always make more people that are stronger than him.

Read, review, be sane, be insane, hail the Log, review again.


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: Beginning of the Wave mission! I thought of a way to make Naruto MORE badass. It will happen later.

"Normalish talking"

"_Normalish thinking"_

"**Demonic talking"**

"_**Demonic thinking"**_

_Me! The author if I have something to explain  
_

_**The betaer, if he has anything to explain**_

(A/N: Me saying something irrelevant)

(B/N: Betaer saying something irrelevant)

Enjoy!

* * *

[Sunday, Mission hall]

"Team seven today you have your first C-ranked mission. Prepare for a month-long trip. Send Tazuna in." the aged Hokage said, who was able to be there thanks to the kage bunshin he had doing paperwork.

An middle-aged man(old by ninja standards) walked in, looking extremely drunk. "Who're the brats? I asked for a team of ninja, not three kids! The blonde one looks like he can't even hold a knife right!"

Naruto vanished and appeared behind him with a sword to his throat and a kunai uncomfortably close to his nuts. "I suggest not insulting those of unknown skill and ability... You might live longer..." he spoke in a voice that was completely devoid of all emotion.

_"Fast!"_ thought all save Sarutobi.

"O-Okay" stammered a more-then-slightly panicked 'awesome bridge builder' as Naruto removed his blades, some how making the odachi disappear inside his jacket.

_'Gotta love expansion seals'_ he smirked before dragging the other four people to the gate.

* * *

[A few hours after leaving the gate at civilian pace]

Naruto saw a puddle on the ground... when it hadn't rained for weeks. _"Hmmm... let's see if Kakashi saw it..."_ Naruto started using ANBU hand signs.

Kakashi saw this. _"How does he know ANBU hand signs? You know what... why am I even surprised...?"_

The conversation, all in ANBU hand signs, translates as follows:

_"Sensei, There's a puddle. It's a very poor disguise."_

_"I know. Wait for them to attack one of us to see who they're after."_

_"...Fine, but can I torture them for information after we capture them?"_

_"What?... You spend too much time around snake...and yes..."_

A few seconds later, two men dressed in camo pants, black cloaks and face masks like the ones that are worn by rain nin with gauntlets on opposite arms that were connected by a chain covered in barbs. They immediately jumped toward Kakashi, and cut him apart with the chain.

"One down..."muttered one, then they appeared behind Naruto.

The second one said "Two down." and then they struck.

Naruto flipped backwards over the chain and threw a shiruken and a kunai, pinning the chain to the tree. Then, taking out a roll of ninja wire and connecting it to two shiruken he threw one at each of them. The shiruken wrapped around them both, pinning their arms to their sides.

Kakashi appeared in a puff of smoke and eye-smiled "Good job Naruto. I trust you will catch up? We need to be going...and have a talk with the client."

Naruto nodded, then dragged the two into the woods. All that could be heard were screams of agony.

* * *

A few minutes later Naruto walked back to them. "I got their heads, took the gauntlets and any useful items and burned the bodies. Anything I missed?" he asked casually.

"Not that I can think of. Intel?" Kakashi asked.

"They were working for Zabuza Momochi, who was hired by Gato to take out Mr. Super Bridge Builder here. Zabuza also has an apprentice only known as Haku, who has the hyoton bloodline and is extremely skilled with senbon. Gato will betray Zabuza. If we can just hold off fighting him until Gato betrays him, we can take him back to Konoha with us. They have the protection of the Uzumaki clan, previously of Whirlpool country. I am the last, therefore the head, and I can give them protection from the council and their stupid shit."

"Hmmmm... A decent plan... Okay, so we won't kill him, and Konoha gets a new master swordsman."

"And the last of the hyoton bloodline, which was thought to be extinct."

"True... Okay guys, prepare for combat with an A-class missing-nin and his apprentice, who is skilled with hyoton ninjutsu and senbon."

"...And how do we do that?"

"You don't. I do."

"Then why did you tell us to prepare?"

"I don't know..."

"Then shut up and let's go."

"Yes...sir?" (A/N: How did Naruto get someone who outranks him to listen? He's awesome.)

* * *

[A few days later]

The group had arrived at the body of water that separated Fire Country from Wave Country. Tazuna had hired(read: begged) someone to take them across while Kakashi and Naruto water walked near the boat to increase the group's overall reaction time.

When they reached the other side, they continued walking in silence.

* * *

[An hour or so later]

They were walking in silence when Naruto suddenly threw a kunai into a bush giving a poor white bunny rabbit a panic attack. It frantically patted its self making sure everything was in one piece before passing out.

_'A white rabbit? But it's fa- "FUCK! _EVERYONE GET DOWN!"

While Naruto shouted a giant zanbato, about a foot wide and around six feet long with a half-circle hole on one side and a circular hole near the tip, was seen spinning towards them at head height. Naruto pulled down Sakura and Sasuke, and Kakashi pulled down Tazuna.

The zanbato stuck in a tree, and standing on it was a man with vertically striped pants, camo boots and arm warmer...things, bandages covering the lower half of his face, and a mist hitae-ate centered above his left temple.

"Sharingan Kakashi..."

"Zabuza Momochi, A-class missing-nin and former member of the seven swordsmen of the mist... Here for the old man?"

"No-brows-sensei!" shouted Naruto from a few yards away.

"Hey! What are you doing on this mission? I thought you would have at least made chunin by now!" said Zabuza.

"Well, you know how politics are, especially with the hot redhead."

"True, true..."

"So... I never got to really fight you... No holding back? I'll even release my seals..."

Zabuza started laughing. "This is gonna be great! I'll get to see how much better you've gotten! Now let's do it."

"Juuryoku fuuin, KAI! Yokuatsu fuuin, KAI! (A/N: literally: gravity seal, release! Suppression seal, release!) Now... Which first? Ken, tai, or nin?"

"Only one way to do this..."

They both brought their right fist straight up, then brought it down three times.

"JAN, KEN, PON!"

Naruto held his fist out, while Zabuza held out a flat palm.

"YES! I finally won against him in something! HA! TAKE THAT, LADY LUCK!"

As soon as Zabuza said that, he got struck by lightning. On a sunny day. With no clouds.

Naruto was rolling on the ground laughing.

"SHUT UP YOU STUPID KID!" shouted Zabuza. "Well, I'm still choosing first. And I chose Ken."

"Ken it is..." Naruto drew his sword, an odachi length blade with an orange handle. Zabuza un-stuck Kubikiri Houcho from the tree where it was lodged and they jumped towards each other, laughing the whole time...

* * *

Omake: Haku's bunny.

_"NOOOOOOOO! THEY'RE HOLDING CHAPPY HOSTAGE! WE MUST GETS BACK CHAPPY!_" screamed Haku in his/her/it's head after she replaced herself with her precious...other-wise know Chappy the Rabbit, ruler of the tenth level of hell and infamous mass-murderer of kittens and puppies.

* * *

A/N: Wave mission! Heheheh Naruto is fighting Zabuza... I'm expecting that to last all of next chapter.


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: Naruto vs. Zabuza!

"Normalish talking"

"_Normalish thinking"_

"**Demonic talking"**

"_**Demonic thinking"**_

_Me! The author if I have something to explain  
_

_**The betaer, if he has anything to explain**_

(A/N: Me saying something irrelevant)

(B/N: Betaer saying something irrelevant)

Enjoy!

* * *

_Last time..._

_"SHUT UP YOU STUPID KID!" shouted Zabuza. "Well, I'm still choosing first. And I chose Ken."_

_"Ken it is..." Naruto drew his sword, a nodatchi length blade with an orange handle. Zabuza unstuck Kubikiri Houcho from the tree it was lodged in and they jumped towards each other, laughing the whole time..._

* * *

"Ha! You're better than-" Zabuza dodges a diagonal swing from Naruto "-before, kid! I might-" He swung his blade as a counter "-even lose-" he dodged a counter counter from Naruto "-this time!" chuckled Zabuza.

"I guess- Naruto blocked a strike from Zabuza "-the years of wearing that stupid gravity-" he jumped back "-seal helped a lot." replied Naruto nonchalantly.

"This has to be-" he jumped towards Naruto, bringing his sword down vertically "-the best fight I've had-" he pulled his blade back to strike again "-In a long time!" he swung his sword horizontally

Naruto jumped over the horizontal slash and tried to hit Zabuza.

Zabuza spun with his slash and blocked.

They continued fighting for a few minutes, both getting minor scratches

"Okay! You've gotten your ten minutes! Now Tai." shouted Naruto after they had been fighting for _exactly_ ten minutes.

"Hmfp. Fine." Zabuza put Kubikiri Houcho on his back and Naruto sheathed his sword.

They jumped at each other, Naruto dodging to the side of a right hook then trying to punch Zabuza in the gut. Zabuza jumped back, and tried to bring his elbow down on Naruto's head. Naruto dodged inside and swung upwards, aiming for Zabuza's chin. Zabuza leaned back and kicked up with his left leg. Naruto dodged to Zabuza's right and tried to hit him with a roundhouse kick. Zabuza jumped up and tried to kick Naruto in the face. Naruto jumped to the side.

They continued trading blows until-

"Hey kid! It's been ten minutes, I hope you know some good jutsu!"

"Hell yes! I've wanted to test out some of the stuff I learned for a while now..."

Zabuza then started flying through hand seals. Naruto recognized them and quickly caught up before both started chanting what they flipped through.

"Ushi"  
"Saru"  
"U"  
"Ne"  
"I"  
"Tori"  
"Ushi"  
"Uma"  
"Tori"  
"Ne"  
"Tora"  
"Inu"  
"Tora"  
"Hebi"  
"Ushi"  
"Hitsuji"  
"Hebi"  
"I"  
"Hitsuji"  
"Ne"  
"Jin"  
"Saru"  
"Tori"  
"Tatsu"  
"Tori"  
"Ushi"  
"Uma"  
"Hitsuji"  
"Tora"  
"Hebi"  
"Ne"  
"Saru"  
"U"  
"I"  
"Tatsu"  
"Hitsuji"  
"Ne"  
"Ushi"  
"Saru"  
"Tori"  
"Jin"  
"Ne"  
"I"  
"Tori"

"Suiton: Suiryudan no jutsu!" both shouted. Two giant water dragons rose out of the water they were standing on, one behind each of them. They flew at each other and exploded, a large blast of water drenching everyone within a hundred yards.

"Suiton: Suigadan no jutsu"

Zabuza shot a water fang bullet at Naruto.

"Doton: Doryuheki no jutsu"

The water fang bullet hit the earth wall, that somehow appeared on the water. (A/N: He's just that awesome.)

"Futon: Daitoppa no jutsu"

Naruto stepped out from behind the wall just enough for him to fire the blast of air at Zabuza.

"Suiton: Suijinheki no jutsu"

A large wall of water erupted around Zabuza. The blast of air hit the wall and diffused.

Naruto created two shadow clones

"Futon: Furyudan no jutsu"

There was a gust of wind, and soon the wind formed a giant American-style dragon that rushed towards Zabuza

"Doton: Doryudan no jutsu"

A large amount of earth came out of the water, then formed into a large American-style dragon.

"Suiton: Suiryudan no jutsu"

A large amount of water formed into a giant American-style dragon.

"Gassaku jutsu: Sanyousoryu" the three elemental dragons flew at Zabuza.

"Kawarimi!" screamed Zabuza, who then replaced himself with a log. "I know I'm not from leaf, but still, ALL HAIL THE LOG!"

In the distance, a shout of "Amen!" could be heard, along with Naruto chanting.

"Suiton: Daibakufu no jutsu" Naruto launched a huge amount of water at Zabuza, launching him all the way to shore, and knocking over multiple trees in the process. He protected Kakashi, Sasuke, Sakura, and Tazuna by using water manipulation to make the huge wave from an air bubble where the are.

When the water cleared, Zabuza could be seen leaning against one of the few remaining trees in the area.

Naruto was walking casually towards him.

He stopped about a yard away from him, then held up a 'V for victory' and stuck out his tongue.

"Looks like I finally won. Oh yeah, is Haku-chan here?"

"You could ask her that yourself..."

"...I really hope I didn't do anything to piss her off..."

"Too late..."

"Huh? Oh, fuck... She's right behind me, isn't she?"

"Oh, Naruto-kun... Its been so long, hasn't it?"

Everyone turned around and saw a person dressed in grey pants, a grey turtleneck and a kimono over it. The person also had a Kiri hunter-nin mask on.

"Heheh... Yeah, it has been a long time..." Naruto said, while chuckling extremely nervously.

The next thing everyone saw was Naruto being glomped by the 'hunter-nin'

"Naruto-kun! I missed you so much! Why did you have to leave me with all those perverts!" She continued rambling for a few minutes until she randomly hit him on the head.

"OW! What did I do this time!"

"You left! It was so boring without you there! And for being so dense!"

"...Should we go somewhere else to finish this?"

"Yes. Let's go."

"Hey sensei, I'm assuming you're working with us 'cuz I beat you?" Zabuza nodded, then crawled into a corner and cried. (A/N: They're outside... There is no corner, and he managed to find one.) "Hey old man, how far is your house?"

"Not very far, why?" Tazuna asked.

"'Cuz I don't want anyone to have to carry me for too long." and then he passed out.

"Stupid Naruto-kun, always overexerting himself... I'll carry him." said Haku.

Kakashi sighed. "He really is 'Konoha's number one surprising ninja'..."

* * *

A/N: Completely rewrote the fight scene twice and the interaction with Haku once.

I have another idea for a story. I'll try to start writing it soon.

Read! Review! Brainstorm ideas for me! Review again! Hail the Log! Win the game!_(Dammit, I lost the game...)**(FUCK!)**_


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: It's not my fault! I blame my beta, for not betaing it! I've had this chapter written since before I posted the last chapter.

"Normalish talking"

"_Normalish thinking"_

"**Demonic talking"**

"_**Demonic thinking"**_

_Me! The author if I have something to explain  
_

_**The betaer, if he has anything to explain**_

(A/N: Me saying something irrelevant)

(B/N: Betaer saying something irrelevant)

Enjoy!

* * *

[The next day]

Naruto woke up with the most terrible headache he'd had since the villagers' 'justice' had stopped.

After the headache faded and he could think straight, Naruto looked around and saw Haku cuddling into his chest and his weapons leaning up against the wall.

"Haku-chan, time to wake up." he murmured softly while rubbing her back.

"I don't wanna... five more minutes..." she mumbled in her sleep.

Naruto sighed.

"We can finish that conversation now."

Haku looked up.

And kissed him.

After a few seconds, spent in stunned awe, the blonde jinchuriki started to kiss back.

"I felt so empty after you left," the ice user cried "and now that you're back I feel... warm where the emptiness was. Naruto-kun... I... I think I love you..." she said softly after they broke the kiss.

Naruto stared at her like she'd grown a second head (B/N not down there, perverts!) "Haku-chan, I never really knew what love was like for the first five years of my life... You remember the stories I told you right? But what ever I'm feeling now...well...I'd like to feel more of it."(I'm not sure if that's any better)

They kissed again. (A/N: And again, and again, and again.)

* * *

[Later]

Naruto and Haku walked down the stairs and saw the rest of team seven, Zabuza, Tazuna, a 20-something-year-old woman, and a young boy sitting at the table eating.

"Hey Haku-chan, you wanna give the civilians a heart attack?" Naruto whispered to her.

She giggled. "Sure, what are we gonna do?"

He whispered even softer, so that even the _author_ couldn't hear.

She giggled again. "Can't wait to see their faces."

* * *

[A few minutes later]

The people at the table heard perverse giggling, but couldn't tell where it was coming from. They all looked around, only to see nothing.

Kakashi was the only one who had thought to look up.

He saw Naruto laying on the ceiling making out with Haku who was laying on top of (below?) him.

Kakashi instantly flew back with a nosebleed...not that you could tell, his mask absorbing it, giving him the appearance that someone had smacked him in the face.

Everyone else looked up.

Sasuke continued to brood, but with an added twitch.

Sakura screeched.

Tazuna got a nosebleed.

Tsunami blushed.

Inari looked confused.

Zabuza laughed.

"Took you long enough gaki! I was wondering how long it would take you to do it!" the swordsman exclaimed.

Naruto and Haku flipped to the ground, landing in empty chars, and started eating.

"Best ninja prank ever."Naruto grinned.

* * *

When they finished eating, they trooped out into the forest.

"Okay, so back to potential enemies. Gato may have hired some other jounin level nukenin..." Zabuza said

* * *

[In a forest clearing]

"Hey Naruto!" Naruto looked around and saw Setsuna and Azure.

"...Oh Kami... You're here to tor-... train me aren't you..." asked Naruto.

They nodded, Setsuna flashing a sadistic grin.

Naruto groaned. "Fine... can I have 20 minutes before I start? I know you're gonna work me to the point where a normal human would die..."

"Sure... Go watch clouds, walk around, talk to your girlfriend, or sleep, 'cuz you're not gonna be able to do any of those things for a while..." said Setsuna, her sadistic grin growing wider.

"...Could you train her too? People will try to get to me through her, eventually, I can't let that happen."

"Sure. Just don't complain when we drive her into the ground. Repeatedly. And painfully.

* * *

[20 minutes later]

"Alright, we're going to a pocket dimension where time moves faster. Three days in there is the same as one day out here, so you have about 17 days to train. We are going to unlock your shinigami powers. Now in you go." she said, gesturing to the bucket that she had pulled out of nowhere.

"...How do I get in?" asked Naruto, having a flash back to when Zen fished in one.

"Like this." she grabbed the edges of the buckets and pulled, which enlarged the edges allowing Setsuna and Azure to jump in.

"...Why am I surprised?"

* * *

[Inside]

Naruto hit the ground with a thud, landing in a giant room with the ceiling painted to look like the sky, some occasional dead trees, and a floor made of rock. (A/N: the place under Hat n' Clog's shop.)

When he saw Setsuna, she hit him in the head with a cane, the end of which bore a skull and flame pattern on it.

"What the fuck was that for?"he groaned. When the poor soul-reaper-to-be got up, he noticed that his body was moving with more difficulty that before. Naruto looked down and noticed that there was a chain on his chest connecting him to a body that looked...exactly...like...him...

"Let the first test begin... You have to tap into your spiritual energy. I know you can do it, eventually, but you have to be able to do it during combat. Now run." said Setsuna, still with an _extremely_ sadistic grin.

"Here. Put this on." Azure handed him headgear and a pair of gloves.

"...How?" asked Naruto.

"Wrap it around your head and repeat after me: 'Amazing armor of justice in place! amazing headband of justice protect me!'"

"FUCK NO! I AM NOT SAYING THAT SHIT!" Naruto shouted before he had to dodge a punch from Setsuna, leaving a fifteen foot crater in the _stone_ floor "FINE, FINE! AMAZING ARMOR OF JUSTICE IN PLACE! AMAZING ARMOR OF JUSTICE PROTECT ME!"

"Heheh... I can't believe you actually said it... Thanks for the idea Urahara..."Azure smiled while holding a camera.

"BASTARD!" Naruto shoved the headgear in place and started running from Setsuna.

A few minutes of dodging later...

_"I've gotten faster and I'm breathing easier... I think I can dodge her punches now..._" Naruto thought.

He turned around and dodged her first punch.

"Congratulations. You pass the first test." said Azure.

"...What?"

"By the time you could dodge Setsuna's punches, you had gotten enough control over your spirit energy to progress to the next test. Now, Setsuna?"

Setsuna appeared and cut the chain connecting his soul to his body.

"Now it's time for the second test... And time for Haku to go through the first test."

Naruto and Azure fell into a giant hole that randomly appeared in the ground.

Naruto landed on his face. When he tried to get up, he found that his arms were bound behind his back.

Azure, who was sitting cross legged with what looked like a modified tiger hand seal, with the middle fingers crossed over the index fingers, said "Bakudo 99: kin. Your arms must remain like that until the end of this test. You have seventy two hours. To pass, you must become a soul reaper. If you don't...well... you'll become a hollow, and we will be forced to kill you. "

* * *

A/N: Bleach is awesome. Test 1 is over, test 2 begins. Setsuna is extremely sadistic.

B/N: Sorry this is so late, my email crashed and I couldn't get to the chapter in order to beta it. But it's fixed now!

Read, review, hail the Log, don't lose the game, review again.


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